Monday, October 31, 2005
And Now A Public Service Message...
Dear Federal Candidate:
In the build-up to the next federal election campaign, we are hearing a great deal about the rights of the unborn, but nothing about the rights of the undead.
We are Campaign Un-Life 
Sadly, in addition to their ailments, the undead suffer ostracism, prejudice and low self-esteem brought on by centuries of superstition about these conditions. This is a national tragedy.
Many politicians assume that the undead constitute only a small minority. This is not true. Undead issues have the potential to affect all Canadians. While it is estimated that only 1 in 100,000 Canadians currently suffer from undead illnesses, medical research shows that a staggering 100% of Canadians will contract death, the pre-condition for undeath. Since the majority of these potential undeath sufferers are voters, the political system can no longer afford to ignore this important constituency.
As part of our long-term strategic communications plan, Campaign Un-Life has targeted three key issues for discussion in the upcoming federal election:
1. Hate Crimes Legislation - Canada's hate crime legislation represents 
one of the triumphs of our caring and tolerant society. A range of groups, including religious and visible minorities, are protected by this legislation. Most recently, sexual preference has fallen under the protection of this legislation.
2. Voting Rights - While Canadian courts have recently extended the vote to federal inmates, the undead continue to be disenfranchised.
Federal electoral legislation sets arbitrary medical preconditions for voting (i.e. that the voter be living) which appear to be almost specifically targeted to exclude the undead. The fact that undead Canadians retain full cognitive abilities - more so, in fact, than many living voters - has been consistently ignored by Elections Canada and the courts.
 |
| It doesn't take too many "Brains!" to see that the undead have rights too. |
Further, current electoral legislation displays bias against the undead's physical handicaps so that, even if they had the vote, they would not be able to exercise it. Federal voting hours during most of the year fall during daylight hours, which represents a severe health hazard for many of the undead. While the federal government has made great strides to accomodate the needs of those with other physical handicaps, the needs of the undead continue to be marginalized.
3. Access To Blood and Organ Donation -Many undead conditions require an almost daily supply of donated blood as part of their treatment. Others require the donation of organs, such as brains.
Canadian Blood Services has consistently refused to provide blood to undead clients. Health services in every province likewise refuse to place undead patients on the list for organ donations. Could you imagine the uproar if native Canadians or hemophiliacs were barred from receiving certain medical services? Yet for the undead this sort of institutionalized genocide is a part of their daily lives.
If you would like to learn more about these important issues, we would be pleased to send you an information kit. Please call our national office between the hours of
Thank you in advance for your consideration and cooperation.
Ivan Phillip Fraeghly
Executive Director
Campaign Un-Life
posted by Mentok @ 12:38 p.m.,
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Sunday, October 30, 2005
Crazy Canucks Ban Kraft Dinner, Ice Cream
OTTAWA — Should ice cream be called ice ‘cream’ if it contains imported butter oil instead of cream?
Should processed cheese be called processed ‘cheese’ if the stuff is made largely from imported whey powder anymore? And should macaroni and cheese be called macaroni and ‘cheese’ if it also stretches the definition of cheese?
A cursory reading of new federal legislation, Bill C-27, suggests that such products might have to be rechristened simulated ice cream, cheese-flavoured slices and macaroni and artificial cheese, among other options.
But the bill has also sparked accusations from the Consumers Association of Canada of an impending outright ban on common food staples, including margarine, processed cheese and cheese spreads, and even Kraft Dinner — a claim vigorously denied by the bill’s backers who counter that it’s all about clarity in labelling for consumers.
Dealing with a hodge-podge of matters related to the Canadian Food Inspection Agency, C-27 could receive third reading this fall. The controversy stems from an amendment, concerning the labelling of dairy products, unanimously adopted by the all-party Standing Committee on Agriculture in June.
The amendment to section 18, which is available for perusal on the House of Commons web site, states that:
No person shall market an agricultural product using a dairy term on the label unless that product contains the dairy ingredient represented by the dairy term;
and
No person shall market an agricultural product that has a dairy term on the label if the agricultural product is intended to substitute for a dairy product.
Exceptions are made if the manufacturer includes words like artificial, simulated, imitation, or flavoured on the packaging.
Another exception exempts products "where the nature of the agricultural product is clear from traditional usage or from the name by which the agricultural product is generally known." Peanut butter, for instance, would seem to fall into that category.
[Source: Nelson Zandbergen, Agrinews, September 2005]
No decision yet from the House of Commons on the labelling of breast milk.
- MTMT
posted by Mentok @ 12:40 p.m.,
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Friday, October 28, 2005
ANOTHER Inspirational Moment
By Mentok the Mindtaker
There is no 'I' in Team.
There is also no 'I' in Carburetor, but I used to think there was.
Thank God we have spell-checker to work these things out for us.
posted by Mentok @ 9:57 p.m.,
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Thursday, October 27, 2005
Mexicans Rebuff U.S. Aid
Mexico City (FN) - Mexicans suffering from the aftermath of Hurricane Wilma have delivered a polite "No, gracias" to offers of U.S. assistance.
Sources within the Mexican Department of Foreign Affairs stated that they feared the intervention of FEMA in the Mexican crisis would just make things worse.
"No me gusta loco norte-americanos," said one Mexican official.
In an effort to reassure Mexican citizens worried about the potentially devastating effects of FEMA intervention, Mexican President Vicente Fox publicly unveiled a plan to block the unwelcome assistance.
The plan involves mobilizing the full resources of Mexico's Department of Tourism and Stereotypes. All Mexican government workers, including the President's office, have been instructed to repeatedly answer "No hablo ingles" if their call-displays show Washington, D.C. area codes. Border guards have been told to act lazy, take long lunch breaks and slur their speech as though drunk if any U.S. government vehicles approach the border. In the event that some aid workers break through, Mexican troops dressed as Mariachi performers have been stationed near the border to distract Americans with colourful songs and hilarious pidgeon-English.
"This is no joking matter. Mexican lives are at stake. You have my commitment that no effort will be spared to stop this onslaught of American assistance," Fox said.
posted by Mentok @ 10:23 a.m.,
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Wednesday, October 26, 2005
And Now An Inspirational Moment...
By Mentok the Mindtaker
Remember that 'Future'
starts with " F - U ".
posted by Mentok @ 8:14 p.m.,
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Tuesday, October 25, 2005
The Monkey Principle
Over at The Night's blog, I had the opportunity to wax eloquent about my Monkey Principle. Many regular readers have expressed curiosity and confusion about my occasional references to monkeys. So here, once and for all, for your edification is:
Mentok's Monkey Principle
Humans are a species of Great Ape.
Great Apes are all (with one exception) very mean, evil little creatures. They engage in tribal wars for no apparent reason. They assassinate political leaders. They rape their women. They commit horrible atrocities of infanticide (e.g. smashing in the heads of the babies of a rival political leader). When they get in a minor disagreement, their first reaction is to fling feces at each other.
Whether by evolutionary fluke or allegedly "intelligent" design, one species of Great Apes suffered a horrible tragedy. They developed super-evolved intellects in a ridiculously short period of time. Their culture couldn't keep up. To make matters worse, they learned to use nuclear weapons.
That's right. A group of mean-spirited, ass-scratching apes have learned to use nukes. If you were playing one of those strategy games where you have god-like power over a culture, you'd be cruising for a Game Over about now.
If you need any more info on this topic, read this:
http://www.howardbloom.net/chimpanzees_and_romans.htm
So instead of moaning and complaining and writing things like "WTF is wrong with people?", let's loook at what's right with people. For starters, we don't fling feces nearly as much as we used to. That's gotta count for something.
Plus, we've gone to the moon. Do you see those fancy-assed peace-nik dolphins going to the moon? Don't think so.
Oh, I mentioned above the "one exception" to mean-spirited apes. That's the bonobo apes, who descended from the same genetic line as us and chimps. They don't fight nearly as much as other apes because they have sex all the time. Everything you can think of...different positions, hetero, homo, bi, oral sex, sex toys, you name it. Just Google in "bononbo" and "sex" and see what comes up. Basically, the randy little buggers are too tired and blissed out most of the time to even think about getting into a major argument. Their lives are just one long porn movie.
So I guess that's what woulda happened if we had told Lucifer to shove his apple up his ass in the old biblical fairy tale. Any big Christians out there, what's your take? Would we have been better off if we had stayed in the Garden and lived like the bonobos? Are bonobos God's "do over"?
posted by Mentok @ 1:52 p.m.,
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Monday, October 24, 2005
You Might As Well Just Put A Gun To Your Head
Sex, heart trouble linked
Erectile dysfunction a flag
Not being able to have an erection may be a sign of bigger problems.
Erectile dysfunction may be a red flag that heart disease is developing, a new study says.
The study suggests erectile dysfunction should raise suspicions about early coronary artery disease (plaque build-up and narrowing of the blood vessels to the heart), even in men who would not otherwise be considered at high risk...
"The smaller penile arteries suffer obstruction from plaque burden earlier than the larger coronary arteries," lead author Dr. Emilio Chiulia of the University of Modena and Reggio Emilia in Italy said in a release.
[Source: SHARON LEM, TORONTO SUN, OCTOBER 23, 2005]
Fortunately, this is a topic that the old Mind-taker knows nothing about ;-)
If I ever run into someone who admits to the problem, I'm looking forward to telling him "the problem is with your smaller penile arteries."
posted by Mentok @ 10:28 a.m.,
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Saturday, October 22, 2005
"Blogosphere" A Hoax, Nerds Admit
Denver (FN) - In an announcement that has stunned internet users worldwide, two Denver youths revealed that the "blogosphere" - the interconnected network of allegedly personal web logs - is actually an elaborate practical joke.
Matt Hausen, 25, assistant manger at Simarillion Comics and Collectibles and Derek Murphy, 22, a computer science student at the University of Denver demonstrated to reporters how their Apple Powerbook has been randomly generating almost all content on Blogger, Typepad and numerous other blog services for the past five years.
The program filters online news services and other web content through an artificial-intelligence conversation generator, similar to the well-known Eliza project.
The two self-described "professional pranksters" said their favourite pastime is creating UFO crop circles. They originally developed the blogosphere as a way to kill time during the winter "off-season".
"I'm amazed that so many people fell for it. I mean, all the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors should have been a clue. Half the time, the stuff on the blogosphere is pure gibberish. I don't know how people could have thought that there were real people on the other end of those posts," Hausen said.
 |
| Meet the Blogosphere : Derek Murphy's Powerbook |
In 2003, the two friends seized on the idea of using their program to generate revenue. They eventually amassed $69 million in profits from various forms of online advertising.
"We knew we had to cut it off some time and 69 seemed like a good number," Hausen said.
posted by Mentok @ 5:10 p.m.,
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Friday, October 21, 2005
Technical problems
My image server has been having technical problems over the last couple days. They should be fixed now.
If you've visited here previously and noticed images missing, or thought a piece was not very fun because it was just some oblique text, please take another look.
Unfortunately, this was particulary a problem with the very popular "It Had To Be Done" post. The hits on my statcounter suggest this piece has quickly attracted nation-wide attention, so I hope no one's missed it.
posted by Mentok @ 11:02 p.m.,
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Thursday, October 20, 2005
Big Bird Quarantined Due To Avian Flu Concern
Embattled children's programmer Children's Television Workshop (CTW) yesterday lost another of its star performers after the New York Department of Health ordered Simon Bigbird into mandatory precautionary quarantine.
"He has the potential to become a veritable Typhoid Mary of avian influenza. He is, after all, a gigantic anthropomorphic bird who lives in unsanitary conditions in a back alley and who regularly interacts with humans. Of greatest concern is his regular contact with children, the elderly, handicapped persons and others with vulnerable immune systems. It's a disaster waiting to happen," said department spokesperson Debra Fitzsimmons.
The CTW remained officially tight-lipped about the quarantine order, although sources suggested the company is considering a legal challenge on the basis that Bigbird is actually a psychologically-deranged human and not an actual bird.
"It's really one of those 'damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't' situations. Either he's a giant disease-carrying bird or he's a crazy guy who thinks he's a bird. Either way, it's pretty hard to spin why we've been letting him loose around children," said a company source who asked to remain anonymous.
The loss of Bigbird to the Sesame Street cast represents a further blow to CTW, which is still recovering from the loss of trainer Ernie Dershowitz and several of their 'Li'l Monsters' bonobo performers in a grisly mauling incident earlier this month.
Bigbird has had numerous run-ins with authorities over the course of his career. In past years, several of his Sesame Street colleagues have asked the courts to require him to seek psychiatric evaluation due his frequent hallucinatory ramblings about seeing woolly mammoths. In 1982, the NYPD briefly declared him a "person of interest" in the unexplained death of local shopkeeper Harold Hooper.
posted by Mentok @ 7:01 p.m.,
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005
It Had To Be Done
I'm sorry. I know it is terrible to do this to a fellow partisan. But, really, someone had to do it.
posted by Mentok @ 9:10 a.m.,
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Monday, October 17, 2005
Funniest Blog Ever
This seems to be the week for being sloppy and breaking personal blogging rules. First, I indulge in personal info. Now, I'm going to do one of those inbred "check out this great blog" dealies.
I'm still recovering from the big party on the weekend, so I'll be a day or two getting back into the funny.
In the meantime, you can fill your comedy needs by checking out Superdickery.com. I think it's the funniest thing I've ever read.
It's one of those "Superman is a dick" sites (it says a great deal about the blogosphere that there is a community dedicated just to that topic.) Those of you who've visited What Were They Thinking are familiar with this theme.
I advise putting on a pair of Depends before clicking on the link. Don't say I didn't warn you.
posted by Mentok @ 8:46 p.m.,
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Saturday, October 15, 2005
Happy Birthday To A Crazy Woman
I never do personal stuff. I leave that to all those millions of dreary diary blogs. But this is a special occasion. Today is the 40th birthday of Mrs. Mentok, the most tolerant and long-suffering woman in the world.
Love ya, babe. You just keep getting better.
posted by Mentok @ 12:09 p.m.,
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Friday, October 14, 2005
Shocking News From New Orleans
I don't usually like to tell readers in advance whether my entries are real or fake, but this time I will confirm in advance that this is a real story and, I must say, I am appalled:
"A 64-year-old retired teacher accused of being drunk and resisting arrest, and whose beating by New Orleans police was caught on videotape, pleaded not guilty Wednesday as the officers involved in the arrest denied using excessive force.
A lawyer for Robert Davis said charges of public intoxication, resisting arrest, battery on a police officer and public intimidation were groundless and that they should be dropped. "
[Source: CBS/Associated Press, October 12, 2005]
IT'S A CRIME TO BE PUBLICLY INTOXICATED IN NEW ORLEANS ? ? ?
GOOD GOD !
posted by Mentok @ 10:20 a.m.,
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Thursday, October 13, 2005
How To Make A Fake Lottery Ticket
What do you call an elaborate plan for a surprise marriage proposal? A hoax? A scheme? A gag? None of those really seem to fit.
As those of you who read When Irish Eyes Are Smiling already know, Irish Eyes finally proposed to his girlfriend of seven years this past summer. If you haven't read the story, take a minute to do it now, because it's his story, not mine.
I was honoured to be asked to help with the development of this plan. Romance and comedy - the two things that make life worth living. How could I refuse? Besides, it was an opportunity, at last, to use my mind-powers for good instead of evil.
If you are wondering how we pulled it off or if you ever have need to pull off a similar scheme yourself, I've posted an exhaustive step-by-step guide in my archive section, otherwise known as August 2005.
Congratulations Ryan and Jocelyn. It was a privilege to be a part of this happy event.
posted by Mentok @ 9:49 a.m.,
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Jumble Fun!
Rearrange the letters below to find the caption for this picture:
EYH ELTITL YOB, KEIL MESO SNUGTECGM ?
posted by Mentok @ 9:22 a.m.,
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Ernie Mauled By Monsters
New York (FN) - Ernie Dershowitz, beloved children's entertainer and animal trainer, was hospitalized today after suffering a gruesome attack by a pack of bonobo apes.
Witnesses at the scene report that a pack of three or four male bonobos (also known as pygmy chimps) went bezerk during training. Doctors have verified that most of the right side of Dershowitz's face was bitten off, as were all three of the fingers on his left hand and portions of his buttocks.
Best known for their performances in PBS's Sesame Street, Dershowitz and his partner Albert Giamatti have over 30 years experience working with their troupe of "L'il Monsters" bonobos. Giamatti is reported to be in shock after the attack and was not available for comment.
 |
| "Cookie", a performing bonobo involved in the mauling, was shot and killed after the attack |
“Male apes are intensely territorial. They defend their territory against any perceived threat,” said Craig Stanford, a professor at the
Sources at the Children's Television Network, producers of Sesame Street, say that Dershowitz and Giamatti had recently had difficulties with the bonobos. They had been attempting to change their diets from cookies to healthier fare in response to complaints by parents' groups, but the apes appeared to resent the sudden change.
In recent years, Dershowitz and Giamatti have been the targets of a media campaign by animal-rights group PETA.
"Those guys treat their animals worse than Russian dancing bears. They dye their furs a variety of unnatural colours. They both starve and fatten the apes to create a variety of physical shapes. They make them live in filthy conditions - one of them literally lives in a garbage can. If you ask me, Ernie and Bert are the ones who are the real monsters," said PETA spokesman Gerry Wright.
- 30 -
posted by Mentok @ 9:00 a.m.,
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005
"Have a Merry F___in' Christmas, kids!"
Check out the warning on this selection from an online music store ;-)
(click on pic or link)
posted by Mentok @ 1:07 p.m.,
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Canada Announces New China Kiss-Ass Campaign
Ottawa (FN) - The Canadian Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade will be trying to win the hearts and minds of Chinese opinion leaders with a new multi-media presentation, department officials announced today. This intiative is the latest in the Liberal government's efforts to boost trade with China.
Entitled "Canada: Please Don't Hurt Us", the presentation will be packaged as a CD sent directly to top Communist Party officials and business leaders in the burgeoning economic super-power.
Officials describe the disk as having three main sections:
- "Me Love You Long Time". This segment features footage of Canadian politicians bowing and scraping to visiting Chinese officials. It also includes one-on-one interviews with leading Canadians professing their admiration for the people, culture and government of China.
- "Me Likey Special Flied Lice". This segment describes the long history of positive relations and cross-culturalization between China and Canada.
- "With two you get egg-roll". This segment summarizes the many advantages China would enjoy in trading with Canada.
- 30 -
[URGENT Clarification: I don't think I need to say this for my friend Dan, who regularly calls me a "honky", but I should make it clear to everyone else that I am not, not, NOT anti-Chinese. I plan to have my kids learn Chinese when they're older. The point of this piece of comedy is to mock the incompetence, stupidity and fatuousness of Liberals, not to mock Chinese. The Liberals, after all, are the government whose idea of improving US relations is to have our ambassador call their government "dysfunctional". That's the joke, get it, Liberals are dumb, ha, ha. Please do not report me for hate-crimes. Thanks. - Mentok]
posted by Mentok @ 10:57 a.m.,
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Sunday, October 09, 2005
Caption-O-Matic
Interactive blogging fun!
Vote for your favourite caption for this photo, or create your own:
1. "Ralph. Psst! Ralph! Where can a guy can get a good piece of gum in this town?"
***************
2. "Act cazh. Look over about 1 o'clock. Check out the toonies on the chick in front."
***************
3. "Could I get a receipt for 25 cents, please."
***************
4. "Ralph, could you run out and buy me a Coke? All's I got is this big freakin' quarter."
***************
5. "Perhaps you and I are not so different after all, Mr. Powers."
This photo is even funnier in the close-up view.
posted by Mentok @ 1:19 p.m.,
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Thursday, October 06, 2005
Tech Heiress Catches Clap
Riverdale (FN) - Veronica Lodge, heiress to the Lodge Technologies fortune, was admitted to hospital with an acute case of previously-untreated gonorrhea, company spokesmen acknowledged today.
"She's basically a good girl at heart, but like many children of privilege, she likes to sow her wild oats. She's had a lot of boyfriends and she's broken a lot of hearts. I guess something like this was inevitable. She's doing all the right things and I think this has been a learning experience for her," said the Lodge family's legal counsel Jerry Sharon.
Dubbed "the Paris Hilton of the Mid-West", Lodge is alleged to have had liasons with over half the eligible men in Riverdale, the small mid-western city that is home to Lodge Technologies' international corporate headquarters.
Lodge's antics raised eyebrows last year when she abruptly ended her engagement to Reginald Mantle, son of publishing magnate Ricky Mantle. Sources close to the family believe that Lodge was forced into the engagement by her father.
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| "One Night In Ronnine" Lodge's notorious sex video has become a popular internet download |
Lodge most recently made national news when she appeared as a witness in a lawsuit brought against her father, Hiram Lodge by the Doileys, a local Riverdale family who claimed Lodge Technologies defrauded their son out of his patent for the Condi-Mentor, a kitchen appliance that automatically applies condiments to hamburgers.
- 30 -
posted by Mentok @ 12:22 a.m.,
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Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Oops, My Bad
This really isn't funny at all, but I have to admit fault in a previous blog entry. Remember my neighbour who had his Jeep stolen? Remember how I mocked the police response to it?
Well, it turns out the cops found the Jeep in under a week. It was found abandoned in the North Central neighbourhood, known locally for its high poverty, high crime and, yes, high native population.
The interior of the vehicle had been senselessly carved up with knives and smelled heavily of alcohol and solvents.
Chalk one up to experienced police intuition, as politically incorrect as it may sometimes be.
posted by Mentok @ 12:36 p.m.,
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Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Canadian Political Humour Primer
It has come to my attention that this blog now has American readers. As a public service to these readers, I've composed a quick primer to Canadian political humour. I've stuck it here in the archives so it's not in the way, but I would invite my fellow igloo-dwellers to add their own editorial comments.
posted by Mentok @ 2:25 p.m.,
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Monday, October 03, 2005
Jesus Vs. Buddha: Who Would Win?
As we stand on the threshold of the 21st Century, many of mankind's oldest questions about supreme beings have been answered.
For example, scholars have long since determined that if Superman and The Hulk got in a fight, Superman would easily win. Superman's powers of flight and superspeed alone would make short work of the dim-witted behemoth. Even in the unlikely event that The Hulk caught Superman in close quarters, a blast of Kryptonian heat-vision to the eyes would leave the gamma-ray giant as sightless as Ulysses' Cyclops.
Relatively little serious scholarship, however, has been invested in determining how mankind's two greatest saviours, Jesus "The Christ" Ben-David and Siddharta "The Buddha" Gautama would fare in straight combat.
"It's saviourin' time!" "Allow me to enlighten you, sucker!"
Both are known to have limited levitation powers which would cancel each other out in evasive manoevers. Both are said to have great healing powers, which would give each of them a defensive advantage similar to Marvel Comics' Wolverine. However, neither super-being has been able to transform this into an offensive advantage, such as by having retractible steel claws inserted under their skin.
The pair's secondary abilities offer no better clue to their relative tactical advantages. Jesus is said to have a matter-morphing power (e.g. water into wine), which hypothetically could be used to turn Buddha's robes into stone, thereby immobilizing him. Buddha, on the other hand, is noted to have the ability to control and super-enhance wildlife, such as conjuring gigantic cobras with four-foot wide heads. It has been written that Jesus has some ability to control "charmed" wildlife (e.g. forcing demonically possessed pigs to leap over a cliff) but it is unknown whether this ability would extend to animals controlled by positive magical forces.
An examination of the potential "posse" of each saviour is likewise inconclusive. Jesus has the ability to raise people from the dead, giving him the potential to assemble a vast zombie army. Buddha in some texts is said to have subjugated the entire Hindu pantheon of gods, but this process of subjugation rendered them incapable of interfering in human affairs. How they would make out against zombies is unknown.
Even a look at their non-superpowered combat abilities raises more questions than answers. Jesus comes from a blue-collar background in the construction trades and is presumed to have stayed in relatively good shape. There is no evidence of him having trained in hand-to-hand combat, other than one prolonged wresting match with the devil. Buddha, conversely, was a child of privilege who, like most ancient Indian princes, would presumably have been trained in wresting, Indian marital arts, swordsmanship and archery. However, his many years of self-deprivation may have left him out of shape and out of practice.
Fight fans may simply have to hope that the Second Coming of Christ and the Buddha of the Future arrive at the same time so that this mystery can, at last, be resolved.
Thoughts?
posted by Mentok @ 8:36 p.m.,
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Sunday, October 02, 2005
Getting Head Key To Decision, Mackay Says
 |
| "Blow me," says Mackay |
Ottawa (FN) - Conservative Deputy Leader Peter Mackay confirmed today that he is being urged to leave federal politics to run for the leadership of the Nova Scotia provincial Progressive Conservative party, but said that his decision will ultimately be based on offers of oral sex.
"As you know, I used to go out with Belinda Stronach. She is a very talented lady, if you catch my meaning. Since we broke up, I've had a long, hard summer. Very long. Very hard. You know what I'm talking about," Mackay said.
 |
| Tory Leader Harper has not yet formally "encouraged" Mackay to stay, sources say |
"I don't care whether it's Stephen or the lovely ladies of Halifax. All I know is I've gotta get my rocks off, period. I'll even supply the knee-pads if I have to."
- 30 -
posted by Mentok @ 11:23 a.m.,
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Saturday, October 01, 2005
Regina's Finest
Some days, I really admire police officers, especially their trained ability to adapt the manipulative techniques of criminals to the purposes of good. Other days, they frustrate me and I think that cops are just the hired goons of society. Last Monday was such a day.
Our next-door neighbour came around with the shocking news that their new Jeep had been stolen from in front of their house. It seemed as though it was a pretty sophisticated theft, since there was no evidence of broken glass and the vehicle had an alarm system which must have been disabled.
The neighbour was going door to door asking if anyone had seen or heard anything. This bothered me right off the bat. For most middle class families, a vehicle is likely the single most valuable moveable object they own, yet the police who are supposed to look after such things are too damn busy to investigate, although they still seem to have plenty of time for speed-traps and what-not.
The icing on the cake was that the neighbour told us that the police had a working theory. The officer who responded to the call theorized that perhaps a drunk Indian had come around looking for a free ride back to the reserve.
Well, first of all, our neighbourhood is about 10 blocks away from any bar. We are also probably a couple of miles or more away from the terribly impoverished neighbourhoods where most of the city's native people live. The few native families in our area are just as middle-class and bourgeois as the rest of us.
But the truly bizarre part of this theory is that the officer actually seemed to think is was possible for a heavily intoxicated individual to disarm an alarm system and open the door without forced entry.
Not exactly CSI material, is it?
And just for good measure, my neighbour happens to be Metis. I see a sensitivity class in your future, corporal!
posted by Mentok @ 10:37 a.m.,
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