Wednesday, January 31, 2007
New Movie Reviews
Oscar season is on, so I'm cramming in the movies. A couple more reviews in the review section.
posted by Mentok @ 9:21 p.m.,
,
Monday, January 29, 2007
Harry Potter Party
Long time readers will know that one of my favourite things in life is hosting birthday parties. Actually, I love putting on a good party of any description, but birthdays offer a convenient excuse. Age doesn't really matter. I've enjoyed organizing 40th birthdays as much as 10th ones. But adults don't celebrate birthdays consistently, so I get most of my practice on kids.
This month, my #2 son had his 10th. He requested a Harry Potter theme. I had done this theme before many years ago for my #1 son's 7th. From the outset I knew it was going to be much more of a challenge to come up with a party to satisfy 10 year olds.
Fortunately, I had lots of help. Our family has been doing theme parties for so long that we all get in on the act of planning it. My sons, I'm proud to say, have become first-rate party planners in their own right. With a little brainstorming, we soon had a detailed party plan sketched out, complete with venue diagrams and supplies lists.
First, of course, were the invitations. To set the tone of a fantasy party properly, you must have an original and engaging invitation. For this party, it was fairly simple. With some parchment-coloured paper and red candle wax, we made convincing-looking Hogwarts acceptance letters. To give the letters an extra dash of authenticity (and to manage expectations), the "students" were not actually accepted to Hogwarts but rather invited to participate in a Hogwarts "Regional Pre-screening Assessment".
As usual for our winter parties, we rented a church hall. We still do our summer birthday in our backyard, but for fall and winter parties we prefer to keep the mess and chaos somewhere else.
At the event, the students were received by Mrs. Mentok, who played the role of the proprietor of a sort of low-rent Hogsmeade Tavern. Early birds got to nosh out on pop, chips and authentic Jelly Bellies (accept no substitutes) while waiting for the official kickoff.
I made my entrance under the guise of Professor Dubious Sinestro, an ornery, disheveled Irish subaltern of Slitherin house.
"All right, look here ya wee muggles. Professor Sinestro has had a bit of a rough night. I'm sure there's things you'd rather be doing than goin' to school on a Saturday, and there's a lot of things I'd rather be doing than minding a bunch of muggle children. So let's just cut each other some slack and get through this as best we can."
The kids ate it up. The crankier and more verbally abusive I got, the harder they laughed.
"I know what you're thinkin'. You're going to say I look like Mentok, the birthday boy's da. Well, I get that all the time and frankly I'm sick of it, so let's just not bring it up again, shall we."
Then it was time to head into the assessment process.
"I cannot stress to you the importance of doing well at this pre-screening assessment. Your performance here today will determine your suitability to go on to the screening assessment and, eventually, your assessment."
Only a couple of kids got that gag.
First, we got the kids rigged up with Hogwarts robes (men's X-Large black underwear T-shirts, 3 for $5) and wands (battery operated light sticks, $3 each, the most expensive take-away of the event, but too perfect to pass up.)
Then it was on to the Sorting Hat. We had rigged up a costume witch's hat with a walkie-talkie. My #1 son, hidden nearby with the other radio, went above and beyond in doing the voice and character of the Hat.
Next, charms class: a simple spell, Expecto Patronum, which wards off Dementors, rumoured to be prowling the grounds. In the midst of practice, #1 son made his entrance as a Dementor so the students got some practical experience.
...but that was also the one sour note of the party. Although most of the kids had a blast expelling the evil creature, the Dementor costume was a little too scary for one kid, who totally wigged out, cried and hid under a table. Fortunately, Mrs. Mentok was nearby to swoop in with her motherly charms and set things right in a jiff.
There's nothing like chocolate to smooth over the rough patches. The next event was Magical Creatures, where we used gummi frogs and a chocolate fondue pot to create chocolate frogs.
Next, potions class. I tried in vain to teach the students the correct way to mix the ingredients for Firebrand formula. I strenuously warned the students that, unless mixed properly, the component ingredients will explode. Of course, since the component ingredients were vinegar and baking soda, they were certain to "explode" in any case.
Since that lesson was a (planned) failure, I "decided" to teach them something simpler, Dragon's Blood Tonic. This time, the students easily mastered the task of mixing sugar, Kool-Aid, soda water and food colour to create a health tonic that was both tasty and guarantee to restore vigour and vitality.
At this point, I decided the students had had enough book-learning and that it was time for a little phys-ed. We played two games: The Golden Egg (a far-too elaborate game of keep away, but the kids seemed to like it) and Junior Quidditch (indoor soccer played while riding pool-noodle "broomsticks").
An hour and half had flown by this point, so to everyone's disappointment we had to wrap up the fantasy and head back to the dining room for cake and presents for the last half hour of the party.
With all my parties, I don't give goodie bags. Instead, the take-aways are built into the party. In this case, the kids got to keep their robes, wands, potions-class test tubes, Dragon's Blood goblets and left-over chocolate frogs...plus all the gummi frogs and Jelly Bellies they could carry. As always, both the kids and the parents were astounded at the take-aways, but of course they were all just a bunch of superficially impressive dollar-store finds.
In this description of the party, I've left out the week's worth of shopping, the hours of preparation, the two hours of room set-up and two hours of clean-up. A lot of people think I'm crazy for staging these elaborate parties.
But take a look at the faces of the party guests. You can't buy that. Only paternal dedication and creativity will do. Accept no substitutes.
posted by Mentok @ 10:10 p.m.,
,
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Bitchin' 80s
Thanks to everyone who left birthday greetings. I hadn't meant to make a big deal out of it but Mrs. Mentok spilled the beans over on her site. I have to admit it was nice to get b'day greetings from the blogger crowd.
During my various birthday celebrations, I noticed several things that started to bug me:
- At a bar/night club Mrs. M and I frequent on our 'date nights', the 20-yr-old kids were relatively lethargic when new music was played but started grooving out when Toni Basil's Hey Mickey or anything by The Cure was played.
Toni Basil - Hey Mickey
- At another trendy bar we went to after the movies, the background music did not feature a single song recorded after 1993. Bar patrons and staff alike were observed to get especially excited when the Violent Femme's Blister in the Sun started playing.
Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun
- The biggest recent concert gig in our area was The Rolling Stones.
Rolling Stones - Satisfaction
- The big touring musical production currently in our area is Jesus Christ Superstar, starring whazizname, buddy who played Jesus in the 1973 movie.
Ted Neeley, Jesus Christ Superstar - Poor Jerusalem
- The movie theatres are full of remakes, sequels and adaptations of classic TV shows.
I could go on at great length, but you get the point. My question is:
When are these fucking kids going to get their own shit?
I mean, really, do today's 20-somethings have no imagination of their own?
The problem with the youth of today is that they have no gumption.
Why, in my day, we had disrespect for our elders.
Ever heard the expression "hippy shit"? How about the expression "disco sucks"? That was my generation that came up with those. We couldn't stand any sort of music or fashion from even slightly previous eras. We invented a whole new look and style for ourselves that owed very little to the past. And we were thankful!
But today's young people? Bah! It's all mohawk haircuts, 70s long scarves and T-shirts branded with "classic" TV shows and rock bands from the 70s and 80s. Even that drippy Sufjan Stevens, whom I can't stand, is nothing more than Donovan on sedatives.
Donovan - Atlantis
So, get off your asses, young people. Start inventing some interesting new stuff. We don't need to go through the 80s all over again. Believe me, I had ten years worth of the 80s and that was enough, I don't need anymore.
This is supposed to be the dawn of a new century. Isn't it time we started acting like it and quit regurgitating the 20th Century?
posted by Mentok @ 9:38 a.m.,
,
Monday, January 22, 2007
I'm Ruined for Regular Coffee
This weekend, Mrs. Mentok, some friends and I went out for supper to an Ethiopian restaurant. The meal included a traditional Ethiopian coffee service. If you've never experienced this, you should seek it out.
The ritual started with a bowl of popcorn, presumably to keep you occupied while waiting. They fresh-roast the beans themselves. When the beans reached the peak of roasting, when they started to crack and smoke, the cook rushed out of the back with the roasting pan and shook it around under our noses, dousing us in a thick, fragrant coffee smoke.
Then she returned to grind the hot beans and prepare the coffee. The result was a thick coffee, much like Turkish coffee, served in little cups. It was flavoured with a hint of cloves. To enhance this further, the cook set out a sort of crude incense burner, consisting of a hot lump of charcoal in a decorative holder topped with bits of clove and coffee bean.
It was the most wonderful coffee-drinking experience I've ever had. Frankly, other coffee now seems like pale, sickly, unworthy imitations of coffee compared to this.
I'm reminded of an episode of the hit Canadian comedy Corner Gas. The fish-out-of-water Torontonian thoughtfully gives out expensive thank-you gifts, such as fancy gourmet jams. But the gifts back-fire when the recipients become addicted to the high-quality food but find them to be too expensive. So, rather than feeling gratitude, the recipients feel resentful because the gifts have ruined them for ordinary things.
Have you ever had an experience like that? Do you have one or two expensive or exotic tastes (a particular brand of scotch perhaps) that have ruined you for all others?
posted by Mentok @ 8:07 a.m.,
,
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Fun With News
I warned you all last month that I was going to start dabbling in fake news again. Check out my latest effort.
posted by Mentok @ 9:53 p.m.,
,
Monday, January 15, 2007
Wine and Cheese
Still riffing on the New Year's theme, today I'd like to talk about food.
A lot of people go on very strict diets or swear off certain foods on New Year's. I have personally always preferred exercise over diets since I figure savouring food is one of life's great pleasures. If I was offered a deal "You can live to be 200 years old disease-free but you'll never taste food again," I wouldn't take a deal like that.
At the top of the list, the two types of food I could never ever eliminate if I was on a diet would be wine and cheese. I really can't see that life would be worth living without wine and cheese.
It's not that I'm a big connoisseur or anything. My level of appreciation is pretty average, I'd say. But I am always astounded by the infinite variety and deep subtlety of wine and cheese.
What is especially thought-provoking is that wine and cheese are the oldest man-made foods. Their variety comes to us after literally tens of thousands of years of experimentation.
However, this long heritage is also a little weird. As with the edible banana, you have to wonder at the pre-historic origins of these foods:
"Eeww, this fruit juice has gone bad. Let's drink it!"
"Yuck, this milk is so sour it's got chunks in it. Let's eat it!"
In that old science-fiction movie and TV show Alien Nation, I always found it an amusing, ironic detail that the aliens got drunk on sour milk, which is only weird until you consider human ways.
My favourite vacation spot (and the place I intend to retire someday) is the Okanagan, the leading Canadian wine region. The last time we went, our bed&breakfast was entwined with grape vines and surrounded by vinyards.
My idea of a perfect vacation day is to wake up late, go for a swim and then spend the rest of the day visiting wineries. Many of the wineries in the area are still small and family-owned, so if you're lucky you can get to meet the owners and hear all sorts of wine-making lore. At the end of such a day, on my way home I would load up on some old cheeses (three-year old aged cheddar is my favourite). In the evening, I'd crack open a bottle and enjoy the fruits of the days labours while soaking in the hot tub with Mrs Mentok, who is herself very much like a nice aged cheddar...er, I mean like a fine wine, of course. That's the more romantic phrase, isn't it.
So, there's my ode to wine and cheese. How about you? What are your favourite foods? What are the ones that you absolutely could not live without?
posted by Mentok @ 8:56 a.m.,
,
Friday, January 12, 2007
New Movie Review - Really!
I know I've been lax about updating my update box (that space, just above here that tells you what other Mentok tabs have new material). Please keep a closer eye on it from now on as I promise to put more material in the other tabs more often. I just did a new movie review, so please go check it out.
posted by Mentok @ 9:48 a.m.,
,
Monday, January 08, 2007
Jobs, Jobs, Jobs
Our discussion topic for today is job satisfaction. Do you have it? New Year's is often a time when people resolve to make career changes, so I expect a few of you may be thinking about this.
Me, I'm pretty happy in my job. I have the usual set of annoyances, aggravations and grievances, like anybody. For awhile, I freelanced which was great except for the crappy, unstable pay. At first I was reluctant to return to office work but now on the whole I like what I do.
I can tell that I like what I'm doing because I'm still doing it. I have a low threshold of tolerance for shit jobs. In the past, I would usually make a decision about a job within days and promptly quit if I didn't like it.
Once in college I took a part-time job at good ol' McDonalds. I finished out my shift so that I could get my free employee meal, then I quit...the same day.
In a related incident many years later, I once took a notion to make a dramatic change of career by trying my hand at corporate travel sales. I hated it from Day One. I would have quit immediately, but the job offered a lavish, all-expenses-paid trip to a training seminar in Vancouver at the end of the month. So I took the trip and then quit. Between the first and last day, I pretended to go out on "sales calls" but mostly I just went home, took naps and watched the soaps.
Since then, even though the industries I've chosen to work in are inherently unstable, my employment has been more or less stable. In my last workplace, I had worked more or less continuously for essentially the same outfit for about 12 years, so I guess that counts for something.
These days, I'm a magazine editor / writer. When I tell people this at parties, the next question is always "Oh. What magazine do you work for?". The tone of this question always suggests that the asker expects me to say Sports Illustrated or The New Yorker or something else they've heard of. So my stock answer is, "I work for a publication called Gent, Home of the D-Cup. Perhaps you've heard of it?"
The humour of this response buffers the boredom that usually follows when I explain that I actually work for a local, small-time trade publication.
While the magazine's circulation is small, the job of running it is every bit as big and complex as if I were running a major newstand publication. Certainly, it is not a boring job. There is a lot to like about running a magazine. Three things stand out to me.
First of all, the job is very rhythmic. Every issue is different, but the process of producing it is always the same. From one week to the next, you don't have to wonder what you are supposed to be doing because every issue fits in the same pattern. The job to me strikes the perfect balance between creativity and routine.
Another thing I like about it is that you are left with a definite finished product at the end. It's not quite the same as getting a book published, but it's similar. Vain though it may be, I never tire of seeing my name as a byline on stories or sitting at the top of a magazine's masthead.
Since I am a writer as well as an editor, the third thing I constantly enjoy about the business is doing interviews. I have come to be a big believer in the axiom that everybody has a story. I pride myself on taking the most ordinary people on earth and squeezing an engaging, publishable stories out of them. I have often had people profusely thank me for this. "Thank you for making my life sound so interesting," former interview subjects have said to me.
But enough about me. How about you guys? What do you like about what you do? What do you dislike? Is there anything you'd rather be doing? Do you have any funny stories about ditching a bad job or getting a good one?
Pretenders - Back on the Chain Gang
posted by Mentok @ 10:11 p.m.,
,
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Symantec / Norton Antivirus Sucks
New Year's is a time of renewal, so over the holidays I figured it was a good time to renew my subscription to Symantec's Norton Antivirus system. What followed was a Kafkaesque journey into unbelievably bad customer service.
First, I tried renewing over the internet. No dice. On the particular day I tried, their ecommerce server was down.
Fine, I'll just phone it in, I said to myself. The program provides a handy pop-up list of phone numbers for renewal centres around the world.
I started off with the Canadian renewal centre number. Phone number not in service. OK, that's odd. I moved on and tried the US number provided by the program. Still no luck.
So then I went onto the website. The "Contact Us" section made me slog through several screens of describing my problem, allegedly so they could provide me with the right phone number. Finally it provided me with a hopeful looking 1-800 number. Which turned out to be not in service.
Hunting further on the website, I found the new phone number for Symantec's Toronto office. I gave that a try. However, the voice menu provided no options for contacting sales or technical support, only a look-up-by-name company directory which would only be useful if you actually knew the name of someone who worked there. The only other option provided another toll-free number for the company's California office.
This number worked and a real live person actually asked what she could do to help. I described my desire to give them my money by renewing my subscription. She then connected me with the appropriate menu system.
After wading through several menus, the robot finally asked me to enter my priority ID number and warned that, if I didn't have one, my wait time would be extended. I figured I had hung in this long I might as well keep going. Half an hour later I hung up and went in search of a priority ID number.
This turned out to be a relatively simple process of registering a problem online, presumably so the customer service rep could save time by having basic information in hand at the start of the phone call.
So I called back to the California number, got connected to the menu and this time dutifully entered my priority ID number. This did in fact speed things up and in about 10-15 minutes I was, hallelujah, connected to a real live person ... in India. Apparently Symantec has outsourced customer support.
The service rep asked me to describe my problem. I thought that was what the priority ID process was for, but I went ahead and repeated it for him. He then suggested that I try renewing my subscription online. I pointed out to him that, as per the information provided in the priority ID file he had open in front of him, the online service wasn't working.
Well, then we were in business. He took my credit card number and processed the order. I asked him for my subscription key code. "Oh, we don't do that anymore. Just hit the synchronize button on your program," he said. "I have the 2005 version of the program. It doesn't have a synchronize button," I said. "OK, well, just run Live Update instead," he said.
So I did that and then all hell broke loose. The program went all wonky. Options and buttons simply disappeared from the program menus. Fonts went all screwy. It was bad news.
"I'll connect you with Technical Support," the service rep said.
The phone menu at Tech Support began with a warning message that, due to technical problems, "you may be disconnected or experience poor sound quality."
Twenty minutes later, I was connected to a static-ridden, vaguely human sounding voice. Did you ever see that Dennis Quaid movie Frequency where the guy thinks he's connected across time with his dead father on a ham radio? It was kinda like that, only less clear. I couldn't understand a thing the tech support person was saying, so I hung up and called back.
Twice.
Same result each time, including the lengthy wait times.
At this point, I was feeling pretty grouchy, so I called back the main number and freaked out on the receptionist, demanding satisfaction from someone higher up the corporate food chain. She promised to connect me directly to a customer service manager.
...Who ended up just being another customer service rep over in India who was in no better position to resolve the problem than his colleague who had created it. In an effort to satisfy me, he promised to connect me to a tech support manager.
This time, I didn't have to go through a long wait...because as soon as the tech support warning message was complete, the system promptly hung up on me.
A sucker for punishment, I called back to customer service again.
"Look," I said. "The technical support lines aren't working but yours are. Where is technical support? Could you grab a techie and bring him over to your line? I'm sure my problem won't take long to solve."
"No, I can't do that," said the rep. "Tech support is all the way over on the other side."
"The other side of what? The room."
"Yes, but you don't understand. They won't come if I ask them. They will only deal with you if your call comes in on a tech support phone line."
"But their phone lines aren't working."
"I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do about that."
This went back and forth for awhile, but you get the picture.
In frustration, after (I swear to god) four hours of effort, I finally gave up on Symantec's phone support. Instead, I turned to their online email-based technical support. In my message, I referenced my priority ID and all the other case file numbers I'd been given along the way so that whoever got the email would have all the background information.
Two days later, I got a reply email from tech support suggesting that I try renewing my subscription online.
I sent, shall we say, a rather sharp reply to that message.
Ten minutes later, tech support emailed back a simple three-point set of instructions which cleared up all my problems immediately.
All my Norton Antivirus problems, that is. My blood pressure problems are another matter.
posted by Mentok @ 10:21 p.m.,
,
Elizabeth Mitchell Is The Devil !
Like any dutiful parent, I joined my kids in watching a great number of bad Christmas movies over the holidays. While such films are hardly fine cinema, they do have their charms in the right time and place.
But there is one that I can never watch again:
Santa Clause 2: The Mrs. Clause
The movie features Elizabeth Mitchell as the female lead. She's supposed to be this sweet school-marm type character.
But until the end of time I shall only know her as Juliet, that creepy woman from Lost.
All through the movie, I kept wanting to scream at Tim Allen: "Get away! She's an Other!"
I will never be able to trust this actress again. She's going to have to play villain roles for the rest of her career.
posted by Mentok @ 1:17 p.m.,
,
New Year's Resolutions - Public Service Message
Happy New Year, dear readers!
I'm glad to be back. The Christmas break did wonders for recharging my blogger batteries, so you can expect a bunch of material in the coming days and weeks.
For starters, I'd like to have a serious chat about new year's resolutions.
As I mentioned before Christmas, I'm going easy on myself about self-improvement because I just gave up smoking last year and that one is the biggee in terms of positive changes one can make to one's lifestyle.
This year, the only resolution I have is a mild one: I resolve to try to use more frequently the word "reckon" in the British not Southern style. I reckon most North Americans underutilize this very handy, multi-purpose word.
But back to smoking. Dear readers, I hope none of you smoke. I you do, I'm betting that as the clock ticked over to midnight on December 31 you probably thought about trying again to quit.
Even if you don't smoke, you probably know someone who does, and they are also thinking about quitting right about now.
This is no easy task. Scientists tell us that nicotine is more addictive than heroin. No one - especially non-smokers - should ever underestimate or minimize how very, very soul-crushingly difficult it is to quit that noxious weed.
Over most of the 23 years of my addiction, I tried at least once a year to quit. I tried everything... cold turkey, weaning off, the timer, the gum, etc etc. Nothing stuck.
What finally worked for me and what I recommend in the strongest possible terms to all smokers is the Nicorette Inhaler system. It was an absolute wonder product for me.
What makes it so effective is that the delivery system is shaped like a cigarette holder, so the system helps replace and wean you off the psychological oral fixation element of the addiction on top of helping you manage the chemical addiction.
When I first started using the system, I used the Inhaler as often as I used to smoke, but within weeks I had weaned myself off it without even really trying (the medicinal nicotine tastes pretty gross). Now I still keep it close to me because it is kick-ass at controlling cravings. Most ex-smokers suffer from intense relapse cravings for years afterwards which often leads them to fall off the wagon. But when I have the Nicorette Inhaler on the go, I can stand right beside someone else who's smoking and feel zero cravings. ZERO!
So there you have it: Nicorette Inhaler - Miracle product. If you have any friends who are trying to quit this year, please tell them about it and refer them to this post. They'll thank you for it.
posted by Mentok @ 11:28 a.m.,
,
