Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tempus Fug-It
Have I ever told you all about my "Glorious Obituary" plan?
I'm not a big fan of the notion of suffering through the indignities of extreme old age. I'm already as out of shape and addled-brained as I care to be; I don't want to put up with it getting worse. Some time ago, I came up with an idea to get around that.
My plan is that when I hit 75 - or when I start to feel my health substantially weakening, no matter if that's sooner or later - I'll start to take up extreme sports (e.g. skydiving, bungee jumping, running for office) until one of them kills me.
That way, not only will I evade old age without explicit suicide, but I'll have fun doing it and I'll be left with a kick-ass obituary: "Mentok the Mindtaker passed away today at the age of 75 while base-jumping in Brasil."
But the unpleasant part that just occurred to me is that this means I'm already a full seven years past my mid-life point.
Man, I have got to get my ass in gear!
I mean, ordinarily the notion of "mid-life" is sort of fuzzy; the whole decade of one's 40s is vaguely mid-life, although these days that seems to stretch into the 50s too.
But, see, I've gone and set myself a particular "best before" date, so I can calculate mid-life with precision: after 37, it's all downhill.
It's like looking at the expiry date on a package of steaks and realizing you're not going to have time to barbecue them all before they go bad.
It's like spending the morning at work doodling on Facebook and then realizing after lunch that you've still got a monster report to write.
Planned obsolescence is not all its cracked up to be.
But happy New Year to you all anyway ;-)
posted by Mentok @ 3:26 p.m.,
7 Comments:
-
At 11:23 a.m.,
FiL said...
-
And HNY to you too, Dearest Mentok!
I like your plan - I may co-opt it myself. But "mid-life" is now a movable feast; some friends of mine had their crises on their early 30s, while I plan to push mine further out.
And remember: 40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40, yada yada all the way to death is the new 90... ;-p -
At 12:23 p.m.,
Rachel said...
-
Happy New Year dearest Mentok!
Interesting plan... I would never sky dive nor do half of the extreme sports you mentioned... Especially running for office LOL.
But I am all for bettering ourselves no matter what age you decide to do it at. :-)
Happy New Year to then entire Mentok clan.
By the way where is my yearly newsletter? WTF? :-) -
At 2:50 a.m.,
said...
-
Roger McGough...
Let me die a young man's death
not a clean and inbetween
the sheets holywater death
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out of breath death
When I'm 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an allnight party
Or when I'm 91
with silver hair
and sitting in a barber's chair
may rival gangsters
with hamfisted tommyguns
burst in and give me a short back and insides
Or when I'm 104
and banned from the Cavern
may my mistress
catching me in bed with her daughter
and fearing for her son
cut me up into little pieces
and throw away every piece but one
Let me die a young man's death
not a free from sin tiptoe in
candle wax and waning death
not a curtains drawn by angels borne
'what a nice way to go' death -
At 10:19 a.m.,
said...
-
the trouble is, the older you get, the younger "old" seems. the thought of dying at 75 seems very young to me, whereas twenty years or so ago i probably would have been satisfied with living that long.
i dunno. it sounds like a good plan, to take the risks you've always wanted to take when you really don't have much to lose, but i think i'd advocate setting a later date, say 88 1/2.
love the poem, too. that adam is a clever fellow. : ) -
At 10:34 a.m.,
Mentok said...
-
Fil - yes, the psychology of mid-life certainly is much more flexible these days. Still and all, it's good to have a reminder not to rest on one's laurels.
Rachel - Hey, long time no see! Welcome back. "Bettering ourselves"? No, no, you miss the point of the Glorious Obituary plan. The point is not to get better; the point is to get dead flamboyantly.
Adam - love it! Beautiful poem. Totally captures what I'm talking about.
Marcy - Yes, people are living better longer now, but it's still a crap shoot. Basically from 70 onward, one bad fall, one bad bout of the flu, one nasty back spasm and you're pretty much screwed. The medical community will triage you, you'll never be the same again and you'll be a burden to your family.
Plus there's a whole social-psychological element I haven't even touched on. At a certain point, when you start attending more funerals than weddings, there would be a distinct sense that one has worn out one's welcome in the world. Yes, you could keep going, put you would face years or even decades feeling increasingly isolated and out of place. At least that's my fear. -
At 7:47 a.m.,
said...
-
i know. there's a certain kind of future that doesn't seem worth living--the old person alone, no visitors, no feeling of contributing to the greater cause, essentially being passed by and looked over. i can see why you wouldn't want to live that way.
i'm always impressed, though, when i meet older folks who are still engaged and involved. i meet them regularly where i work, and they're not even the ones in the best of health (or else they wouldn't be coming to rehab). but there are enough of them to make me think it's not necessarily a given that when you reach a certain age you're more burden than not.
maybe you need to hang out with more old people! -
At 9:37 a.m.,
Mentok said...
-
I'm not suggesting my plan is right for everyone ... although that does give me an idea about how to solve the food shortage ;-)
