Tuesday, January 08, 2008
From the Vault
With all the hype about Arkansas governor cum presidential candidate Mike Huckabee these days, I couldn't resist reposting this nugget from back in this blog's fake news comedy days.
I originally wrote the piece just to tease now-departed blogger Ash Chairiet, who hails from the great state of Arkansas. But today's headlines give this piece a whole new meaning, n'est-ce pas?
Arkansas Gov to Push "Guzintas"
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| Arkansas Gov. Huckabee (right) sets sights on math enrichment. |
Huckabee said that he would like to see guzintas awareness become a state-wide activity, in the same way that former governor and former President Bill Clinton's now-legendary times-bys program captured the state's imagination.
"There is not much that former Governor Clinton and I agree on, but I give him credit for The Great Arkansas Times-Bys Challenge," Huckabee said. [see sidebar]
| Governor Clinton's Great Arkansas Times-Bys Challenge |
| "Billy's family wants to go to a peanut boil 26 miles away. Billy has 4 brothers, 3 sisters and 26 cousins, each of whom has 6 children. All together, the family has 102 dogs, of which 47 are bitches, all of whom are pregnant. The family has 5 trucks between them. If welfare checks come out on Wednesday and the peanut boil is on Saturday, how many of Billy's family will make it to the peanut boil?" |
To craft his guzintas challenge, Governor Huckabee will be drawing on the skills of Professor Michael Cash, head of the University of Arkansas Department of Ciphering and Figuring.
"Many Arkansans are unaware of the importance of guzintas in their daily lives. For example, suppose you have a gallon of some sort of medicinal liquid and you want to siphon it off into 12 ounce bottles. How many bottles can you get? Sure, you can try to dope it out using your times-bys, but guzintas make it much quicker," said Professor Cash.
"Give you another example. Suppose you're at the video store and you have a $20 bill. Well, how many copies of The Dukes of Hazzard can you rent? With guzintas, you can figure that out right away," Cash added.
posted by Mentok @ 9:46 a.m.,
6 Comments:
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At 3:09 p.m.,
Rick said...
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I reckon you mean "Cipherin and Figurin", also known as rithamatic. I can say these things because I am Southern, by the Grace of God. And if you weren't from Canada, I'd have to kick yer ass.
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At 3:23 p.m.,
Mentok said...
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What God do you mean? The only God I recognize is mighty Odin All-Father, god of the north wind. Your degenerate Southern gods of sun and malt liquor quiver in fear before great Odin's frigid powers. Ha ha!
(seriously, thanks for taking the gags graciously. It is unfortunately all too true that Southerns, along with Scots, are one of those last remaining ethnic groups that people feel they can mock openly without consequence. There's no political correctness when it comes to regional differences, is there?) -
At 3:34 p.m.,
Rachel said...
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I reckon...That Huckabee's tax plan scares my nipples off. I know you never thought it was quite possible to scare nipples off but it can happen in extreme cases.
:-P -
At 4:22 p.m.,
Rick said...
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Rachel, that is just a cryin' shame. Probably nothing a little malt liquor would cure, though. mmm... malt liquor...
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At 4:28 p.m.,
Rick said...
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Oops - I meant likker.
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At 4:33 p.m.,
Mentok said...
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You lick'er, you brought'er.
