Tuesday, September 18, 2007
My Nemesis
As one who tries to follow the precepts of Buddhism, I usually make every effort to respect all life and avoid feelings of hatred. But there is one case where I completely fall down on both counts, one creature that I hate utterly and kill at every opportunity:
The Creeping Bellflower.
Fuck you, creeping bellflower!
My blood is getting angried-up just thinking about it. I did some fall maintenance on my backyard last weekend and that involved losing myself in my ongoing battle with that c--ksucking creeping bellflower. (Pardon my language)
For those of you blissfully unaware of the creeping bellflower, it is a highly invasive perennial that will swallow up your entire lawn and garden if you let it get away from you. Once established in your yard, you will never be rid of it. Never! It is impossible to eliminate, is unaffected by herbicides and can only be controlled (but not killed) by digging it up along with big chunks of your lawn.
I used to be fairly tolerant in my feelings about weeds. I used to say "weeds are just perennials with a bad rap." I still picked them, of course, but I bore them no ill will. Not so the motherf---king creeping bellflower, which in my view is pure evil in plant form.
What makes is it so evil is its seductive appearance. It was actually introduced on purpose to North America as a decorative plant. To this day, there are people who unwittingly introduce it to their gardens thinking it is some sort of nice, hardy, easy-to-grow wild flower.
But once it's in there, it's Invasion of the Body Snatchers time. It starts to shoot out thin, nearly invisible subterranean runners that snake out for yards, stopping occasionally to drop down a big, fat carrot-like root at such a depth that the plant's survival is assured in the face of the harshest winters, the driest droughts and the most toxic chemicals.
When I'm at war with this goddamn bastard plant, I love finding those big roots. They are deep, sometimes as much as a foot below the surface, and I have to massacre my lawn to get to them, but it always feels like I've unearthed a master vampire and driven a stake through his heart. Eliminating one big root will choke off colonies of the little monsters for yards around.
But they are sneaky. They gravitate to fences where it's easy to hide. Even if you uproot every last effing bellflower in your own yard, they can just retreat back to roots hidden across the fence in your neighbour's yard, like Osama bin Laden hiding out in the mountain passes in Pakistan.
I had some decorative wooden edging separating my lawn from my garden. I ripped that up and, sure enough, there was a virtual little civilization of the infernal things underneath. I'm on to you now, creeping bellflower. You can't hide forever.
I've read that experienced gardeners have spent as much as 18 years battling creeping bell-flower with limited success. This is about the third year for me. It's a long haul, I know that, I'm prepared for it.
At the end of the day, I looked out over the yard. It looked like a real war zone: stuff ripped up, craters here and there. It was a terrible day, full of loss. But all wars demand sacrifice and this war, I know, is for a just cause. I am fighting for the freedom and security of plant-life everywhere. Well, everywhere in my yard anyway.
posted by Mentok @ 12:02 p.m.,
6 Comments:
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At 12:46 p.m.,
Grumps said...
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I have a similar nemesis. It's called GRASS. Damn thing gets frozen under four feet of snow every year and pops right back up the next spring, demanding to be trimmed weekly. Doesn't that fit the definition of a weed?
Xeriscapers of the world, unite! -
At 1:31 p.m.,
Mentok said...
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You talk big but I bet any money you'll be right out there next spring mowing away.
But yes grass is for all intents and purposes a weed. I look on it as an inoculant: it takes a weed to fight a weed and few weeds are strong enough to make long-term headway against a thick, well-fertilized lawn. -
At 12:24 p.m.,
said...
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the bane of my garden is the morning glory vine. can't get rid of it, now matter how hard i try. it's the same kind of subterranean spreader as the bellflower.
actually, whenever i pull it, i think it's more like pruning than destroying, as it just comes back stronger and stronger. *sigh* last summer i gave up on it and eventually it put out lovely white flowers, but i don't think the neighbors will stand for that again this year, so i'm trying to keep up with it. -
At 1:11 p.m.,
Mentok said...
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Wow, yet another great example of how one person's flower is another's weed. I've actually seen plant stores selling morning glory seeds. I had no idea they were so invasive.
I wonder how they would do against the creeping bellflower? One control method I've heard about is to intentionally plant another invasive plant in a problem area and let the two plants kill each other off, like a gladiatorial match.
Ooo, I can hear that Star Trek fight music now:
Dun-dun-da-dun-dun-dun-da-da-da-dun -
At 1:26 p.m.,
said...
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i think that's an old wives' tale. i think all you'd get is two invasive plants instead of your desired result. : )
i think the variety of morning glory i have isn't the nice one you see seeds for, coz i've seen them, too.
and didn't the dandelion come over with the early settlers who planted it because they thought it was beautiful (and useful, too)? damn pilgrims. -
At 9:36 a.m.,
Merrie Belle said...
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I Googled "death to creeping bellflower", and look what popped up! I laughed out loud at your description of the battle - one which I have chosen to embark upon as soon as the snow leaves. Eighteen years, you say? I hope I'm up to it!
