Thursday, August 23, 2007
You're My Obsession
For generations, scientists and philosophers alike have tried and failed to come up with the definition of what makes humans unique, that one special spark that separates us from all other apes and other potentially sentient species on the planet.
One by one, these theories have fallen, or at least weakened. Other apes have a sense of humour and can plan for future events. Apes and dolphins can recognize themselves in a mirror. Animals as small as gophers have been observed using simple learned language. Chimps use a variety of tools. All apes rape, steal and murder for economic and political gain. Dolphins may or may not engage in creative song and dance (it's hard to say since we have yet to decipher their language, if it is a language.)
This really isn't leaving much left over for us poor humans to claim as our turf. But I think I've solved it. I think I know what distinguishes humans from all other creatures and is the cause of both our successes and many of our failings:
Obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Let's consider a few examples, shall we:
Math! How much have we benefited from math? Yet high level math is one big obsessive wank-fest. Competing over who can remember Pi to the most decimal places? Jesus, get a life guys.
Agriculture? Every vegetable we eat is the product of obsessive cross breeding that began 10,000 years ago. At the time, such pursuits must have seemed like gigantic wastes of time. Why spend all day trying to make inedible food edible when there's already plenty of edible food around? I used to think this only applied to bananas, but almost all edible plants have been engineered by humans it seems. Next time you eat a fruit or vegetable, imagine the cave-woman wife hollering at her husband "Oh for God's sake! With all the time you've wasted trying to come up with a seedless banana you could have killed 20 deer by now!"
Medicine: Even the most primitive tribes, through painstaking trial and error, accumulate encyclopedic knowledge of the medicinal and poisonous qualities of local vegetation (by the way, exactly how do primitive tribes conduct trial-and-error experiments to devise poisons?). Modern pharmacology, for all its pretensions, still lives by the ancient traditions of screwing around with plant extracts to see if they do anything to the human body. Fun!
I could go on, but I think you get the point. Practically every major accomplishment of humanity started off as somebody's goofy and largely useless hobby, at which his peers no doubt snickered.
The stamp collector, the model-ship-in-a-bottle builder, the sports trivia expert ... and, yes, the compulsive blogger ... these people are the true heirs of our species greatness.
As for me, I've had various obsessions over the course of my life. I'm still a great fanatic for all things Batman, but that comes and goes. Used to be a comic collector, but gave it up for good and all a few years back (a decade earlier, I'd decided the long-planned end of the Cerebus the Aardvark series would be my personal cut-off point.) For a time, I collected Batman paraphernalia, until my basement filled up with it, so I cut back to just action figures but even that got out of hand. I've also been lured from time to time by the siren-songs of beer-making, gardening, canning and ethnic cooking.
Now, how about you guys? All bloggers strike me as somewhat obsessive types, so I'm eager to hear all about your various compulsions. Fil has his stinky cheese, I know that. Colin of course is the king of Scottish indie music. Grumps has his gay lover Bob Dylan. I'm sure they all have many stories. Now how about the rest of you: 'fess up!
posted by Mentok @ 9:57 a.m.,
6 Comments:
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At 9:25 p.m.,
cchang said...
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I have a bizarre obsession with hair...not a fetish mind you, but I do talk about it too much. My own and my friend Jay's in particular so much so that it's gained its own tag in my blog. Crazy.
Daily I try to figure out if my husband is a blond, redhead or light brownie and have come to the conclusion that he's all 3.
***
But my true OCD issues...not being able to buy just one color of something. This mainly applies to gel pens, colored pencils, hair barrettes. For some reason I feel if I only purchase one, their siblings will feel jealous. Weird eh? -
At 10:39 a.m.,
Mentok said...
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Why do you avoid the fetish label? Fetishes are cool these days. You're not with the 'in' crowd unless you've got a fetish. So you should stand up loud and proud and say "I've got a hair fetish!".
But keep a lid on that multi-coloured pens thing, 'cause that's just plain weird ;-) -
At 10:45 a.m.,
Grumps said...
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That obsession will continue this fall. The movie, I'm Not There, debuts Sept. 21 and features six actors, including Cate Blanchett and Christian (the best Batman ever period) Bale, playing our times' greatest bard.
You should also know, Mentok, or recall, my obsession with hockey and all things Buffalo Sabres. The last two years has seen the obsession grow immensely, despite highs and lows. My family now has the answer to the question, "does the world stop for a Buffalo Sabres hockey game?" Silly, of course it does.
A minor obsession, which has been reignited this week is The Muppets. I consider Jim Henson to be one of the most brilliant men ever. The Muppet Show (the orginal 70s version not the more recent Muppets Tonight) is simply the best TV show I've ever seen. Season 2 was just released on DVD and I bought it the moment I heard it was out. I don't collect a lot of DVDs but have vowed to own every episode of this show, along with The Frog Prince, The Muppets Christmas (the one with the chef trying to cook Big Bird) and The Muppets Celebrate Jim Henson, their eulogy to their creator. -
At 11:00 a.m.,
Mentok said...
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Batman playing Bob Dylan?!?
Sweet Jesus, is nothing sacred in Hollywood anymore?
(You are, by the way, spot on about Christian Bale's mastery of the Batman role.) -
At 3:46 a.m.,
Unknown said...
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I have a mate who is obsessed with collecting golf balls with logos on them....and I'm delighted that I've been able to help him out during my time in T.O. with the find of one from 'Universal Workers Union Local 1983 Toronto'. Don't think it was used at the local country club mind you...
My own sad obsession is travelling on public transport....I've been on all the bus and train routes in Glasgow, and during my spare hours have been doing much the same in Toronto. Its a great way to see a place, warts and all. -
At 5:25 p.m.,
said...
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holy crap, lyle--i think this post subliminally inspired my own recent post on my obsessions--thing is, i can't remember if i read it before or after i wrote it. i created it on the 29th, but i'd only got home from vacation the day before, so i'm not sure if i had caught up with you by then or not. wow. total brain fart. and sorry for blatantly ripping you off! usually i give credit when i steal ideas. : )
