Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Under My Skin
Some people don't like dentists. Believe it or not, I don't like dermatologists. With apologies to anyone who might be related to one, dermatologists are the biggest bunch of frauds in the medical professions, in my opinion.
Until today, I hadn't been to see a dermatologist for about 20 years. Back then, I had this weird rash on my fingers that wouldn't go away. The dermatologist told me it was a form of eczyema or possibly dermatitis. She gave me a prescription for cortisone cream and sent me away.
The cream made the rash go away, but as soon as I stopped using the cream the rash came back. Frustrated, I decided to do my own research. What I found was amazing.
'Eczyema', as it turns out, is a Greek word. It means "a rash".
'Dermatitis' is a Latin word. Care to guess at its translation? Yup: "a rash".
Many, possibly most forms of eczyema /dermatitis / rash are caused by stress, minor allergies or other environmental irritants that can't be pinpointed. In other words, most of the time a dermatologist can't really diagnose a particular rash.
To add further to the medical hilarity, synthetic cortisone is one of those trial-and-error pharmocological concoctions for which "the effective agency is not fully understood", to quote a medical text.
In other words, they don't really know how or why it works.
So, with this in mind, let's go back and replay my previous visit to the dermatologist:
"Hey, doc, I've got this weird rash. Can you tell me what it is?"
"Why yes. In my expert opinion, it is either what we call a rash or it might possibly be a rash. Here some goo you can put on it. We don't really know what it does, but it seems to work."
My mystery rash eventually disappeared on its own without medication and never came back. Since then, pharmacies have started selling cortisone cream over the counter, so now I just self-medicate on the rare occasions I get a skin ailment.
The one corner of credibility I allowed for dermatologists was their alleged expertise for potentially cancerous skin conditions. It was this that drove me back to visit a dermatologist today.
Over the past few years, I've developed a couple of new out-of-sight moles that concerned me. In addition, I had this faint red skin discolouration on my chest that seemed to be getting a brighter and brighter red as time went on.
As regular readers know, I was a smoker until last year. I dragged my feet about getting these skin conditions checked out because, as silly as it sounds, I was too embarassed to talk to a doctor about potentially cancerous skin conditions while I still smoked. So the upside of these blemishes is that they were a big part of my motivation to quit.
Oddly enough, the minor skin discolouration almost totally disappeared within a couple months of me quitting, so I think they must have been related somehow.
Finally, a year later, I got around to seeing a dermatologist.
Me: "Hey doc, whaddaya think of these moles?"
Dermatologist (barely looking up from her notes): "Nothing to worry about. I have an assistant who can freeze them off for you. I'll make an appointment for you."
Me: "How about this skin discolouration? Could it be related to my previous smoking?"
Dermatologist (perfunctory, bored glance): "Beats me. I haven't seen anything like it. I doubt the smoking was related to it. Nothing to worry about though. I can give you a cream to put on it if you like."
The whole appointment was over in 5 minutes. I'm sure her useless opinion and paper-pushing earned her several hundred dollars for that amount of time.
So here's your chance, dear readers: Got any medical gripes you want to get off your chest?
Rachel Yamagata - Under My Skin
posted by Mentok @ 4:37 p.m.,
