Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Scent and Stink Factions Clash in BC
Victoria (FN) - The normally peaceful island community of Caperstown, BC was the site of fresh bloodshed this morning as clashes between warring factions of obsessively politically correct groups entered their third day.
The community of 760 is well-known throughout the region as a leader on progressive issues. The village bylaws are said to be "thicker than the Toronto phone book" and include restrictions on plastic bags, smoking, bottled water, nuts, genetically-modified foods, nuclear weapons and Christmas. Most recently, the village council narrowly passed a bylaw declaring the entire island a scent-free zone. Many residents felt the council had in this instance gone too far in restricting personal freedoms and choices.
Tensions reached a boiling point on Sunday as the community gathered to celebrate its annual Festival of Eostre, Goddess of the Dawn and Springtime, at which were posted numerous large signs advising of scent-sensitivities and threatening stiff fines.
When local officials tried to shut down the booth of an incense vendor, Elmer Lombard, a 70-year-old poet and long-time resident of the island, reportedly shouted "Scent sensitive? Jesus Christ! I tell you what, I'm stench sensitive. Would it kill you to take a bath occasionally, you f--king hippies?"
A general brawl followed the outburst. The scent versus stench debate soon divided families and
communes across the island. By Monday, organized fighting was underway. The anti-stench faction formed an alliance with the island's marijuana farmers, who had long complained of the council's restrictive organic-only agriculture policies. Together, the groups seized control of the north-western tw0-thirds of Capers' Island. However, the anti-scent group held Caperstown proper including the docks, thereby cutting off the anti-stenchers from supplies from the mainland.
The BC government has not yet called in either the RCMP or the army to deal with the violence. In Victoria, BC Premier Gordon Campbell was non-chalant in the face of mounting criticism about his government's inaction.
"Yeah, yeah, I know I should get around to dealing with it, but frankly I've been enjoying myself a little too much. Really, the whole thing is just too freaking funny!" said Campbell late Tuesday.
posted by Mentok @ 4:28 p.m.,
