Monday, March 26, 2007
If You Can Dodge a Wrench, You Can Have a Ball
Another theme party! It seems my life is an endless succession of theme parties.
Thanks to my kid parties and Oscar parties, I've started to get a rep amongst my friends as the guy to hit up for goofy theme party schtick.
One such friend was hosting a charity dodgeball tournament and thought it would be fun to add elements from the movie Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story.
In case you haven't seen it, that film was an entirely forgettable Vince Vaughn / Ben Stiller gross-out comedy involving, obviously, a dodgeball tournament.
The sole saving grace of the movie was the inimitable Rip Torn as Patches O'Houlihan, a curmudgeonly, wheel-chair bound, down-and-out former dodgeball champion who agrees to serve as coach.
His unorthodox training methods include hurling wrenches at the players. "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."
[Below is a clip from the movie in animated gif format. Might not show up. Let me know whether or not you can see it.]
I was drafted to play Patches at this charity tournament. I had had a few drinks when the recruitment pitch was made, so it sounded like a good idea at the time.
As the date approached, it dawned on me that performing in front of roughly 70 adults was not going to be the same as playing the clown in front of a dozen children at a birthday party, which was about the extent of my previous acting experience.
To make matters worse, the suppliers of the wheelchair required a measurement of my ass. My friend, the tournament organizer, tried to short-cut this by simply describing the requirement as "medium", god bless him. Not good enough: the supplier insisted on an actual tape-measure measurement. I had not counted on such humiliation as part of the deal.
I soldiered on and worked diligently on my props for the party. My role was to explain the rules of dodgeball to the crowd. I didn't trust myself to memorize the rules, but I didn't think it would be in character for the down-and-out Patches to sit there with a regulation handbook. Instead, I used an ultra-fine Sharpie and painstakingly wrote out a set of cheat-sheets on a roll of toilet paper.
Long story short, everything worked out fine. My friend supplied a bag of plastic wrenches which worked to great comic effect on the crowd. Likewise, the roll of toilet paper got a good laugh. Generally, the players found it tremendously entertaining whenever I verbally abused them. I spent the evening being completely uninhibited - insulting, leering, griping - and totally getting away with it. It was glorious!
I stayed in character most of the evening, which means I had to get around in a wheelchair. It wasn't so bad. People are always getting out of your way and helping you. You can butt in line at the bar and no one dares complain. I'm sure it would be a giant pain if you had to do it 24/7, especially with stairs and such, but wheelchair life has the odd plus here and there.
Possibly the funniest part of the evening was when I decided to break character. Apparently, not everyone had realized that it was all an act, so there were some stunned faces when I suddenly got up and walked away from the chair.
All good fun, but I'm in no hurry to extend my acting career. I understand now more than ever why the stress of live comedy drives some stand-up comics into the loony bin. Not for me!
Now, how about you? Tell us all the goofiest thing, intentional or accidental, you've ever done at a party or sporting event.
posted by Mentok @ 4:40 p.m.,
4 Comments:
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At 9:13 a.m.,
mjrc said...
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oh shit, you had to measure your ass!!! other than that bit of degradation, sounds like you had a grand old time letting your inner patches come out!
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At 9:46 a.m.,
Mentok said...
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Yeah, the ass measuring is an experience I would like to forget.
Later, the tournament organizer said he was under time pressure to get the measurement in, so he chased down another friend who he judged had an ass the same size as mine. As it turned out, the two asses were in fact within an inch of each other.
"Now please guys, don't ask me why I'm so attentive and knowledgeable about your asses. I'm trying to figure that out myself," the organizer said with a smirk. -
At 7:12 a.m.,
mjrc said...
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yes, best not to delve too deeply into that! ;-)
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At 2:43 p.m.,
Mentok said...
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JC - I think you misinterpreted that whole scene. I think the mom was crying because her son had brought shame on their family. It was he who owed his mother an apology, not you. Perhaps if he had practiced a little harder... ;-)
I often hear these sorts of stories about our local (North American) football team who are a bunch of perennial losers. Although I've never been seated in an area to observe it myself, I'm told that one of the great side-shows is watching the wives and fans get into back-and-forth shouting matches.
