Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Shuttle Launch Scrubbed Due to Hangover
Kennedy Space Center (FN) - The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) today announced that it was delaying the launch of the Space Shuttle Endeavour after several mission staff reported hang-overs of "unheard of proportions".
"I am just in no effin' mood to do this right now. I mean, the rockets, the explosions...no way. I'm going pass on that today," said NASA Administrator Michael Griffin.
Over a dozen senior mission staff members reported symptoms of nausea, irritability and headaches which one engineer described as being "a 10.9 on the Wretched Scale."
The launch delay dashes ambitious plans by NASA to hold back-to-back launches and have two shuttles in orbit at the same time. The costly double-mission plan was conceived in part as a way to celebrate Independence Day and in part as a response to a dare by a group of Russian scientists.
The hang-over incident - or "HR biomedical malfunction" in NASA's official lingo - appears to have been caused due to the influence of Russian observers sent to oversee the completion of the dare.
After the successful launch of the Space Shuttle Discovery on Tuesday, the Russian team utilized a tactic similar to the one used in the 1973 film "The Cheerleaders". The Russian scientists insisted on hosting a post-launch part for the Discovery staff. Using flattery, manipulation and the charms of several attractive women with sexy Russian accents, the visiting scientists succeeded in getting the NASA team "stinking drunk" the night before the Endeavour launch.
"You gotta hand it to those Russians. They sure know their 1970s sex-comedy strategy. And, man, can those guys drink. I've never seen anything like it and, the way I feel today, I hope never to endure such an event again," said Griffin.
Having failed to complete the Russian dare, all NASA staff will be required to wear T-shirts saying "Vladimir Putin is soooo good looking" for the remainder of the summer.
posted by Mentok @ 10:16 a.m.,
6 Comments:
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At 1:19 p.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
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Hey Mentos the Freshmaker,
What you make of this myth that there are aliens on the far side of the moon? You're pretty far out there...in your beleifs... you actually beleive it? -
At 9:43 p.m.,
jamwall said...
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we were having a HUGE korean missle launching party yesterday but now i'm feeling a little kim jong-Ill.
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At 8:11 p.m.,
jamwall said...
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this is completely off-topic, but i always thought CBC anchor peter mansbridge resembled fellow canadian and comedian colin mocharie.
word verification:
BRLLUFT <--- brillo hair has a constant "luft" -
At 8:42 p.m.,
Library Mama said...
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Can you imagine experiencing zero gravity hung over?
Could be kinda cool, actually. -
At 5:36 p.m.,
X said...
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How about space mission needs viagra to take off?
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At 6:44 p.m.,
Library Mama said...
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Hah!
Or maybe sky-alys?
