Friday, July 21, 2006
Beirut Bombed
Tequila Missile Latest Weapon in Israeli Offensive
Beirut (FN) - Residents of the Lebanese capitol staggered today after a further onslaught of low-quality, 90-proof tequila delivered by Israeli missiles.
"Al qidoze phoueqking gieez. Ahm nat gauwna pudup wid diz shiite enniemoore," said one Hezbollah militia captain. It was not immediately clear whether he was speaking English or Lebanese.
The massive of quantities of alcohol were rocketed into Beirut using the Ch-192 "Crazy Charlie" missile, part of a new generation of soft-side, non-lethal weapons in which the Israeli government has invested.
The weapons are seen as having a two-fold advantage. First, they are seen as helping to quell international criticism of Israel's attacks on civilian populations. Second, they are purported to neutralize enemy forces by making them confused, uncoordinated and, eventually, unconscious.
In the first major test of alcoholic weaponry, the tequila missiles appear to have backfired against the Israelis.
"The Lebanese are all running around chaotically in the streets, shouting incoherently at the top of their lungs and firing off weapons for no apparent reason. In other words, it's just another Friday night in Beirut except that it's much, much worse than we've ever seen before," said Israeli Colonel Admon Shulman.
- 30 -
posted by Mentok @ 11:09 a.m.,
4 Comments:
-
At 4:24 p.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
-
The equation for World Peace.
Drop 5 Nukes over Iran,
1 Nuke over Beijing. -
At 4:38 p.m.,
Mentok said...
-
I prefer the equation for peace developed by the bonobo apes:
Free blowjobs for everybody! -
At 7:18 p.m.,
Library Mama said...
-
I had heard that there was a new generation of Molotov cocktail, but I hadn't heard that it was tequila based. Cool!
Brings back memories of my college tequila experiences. ("Let me die. Please let me die!") -
At 3:59 p.m.,
jamwall said...
-
there are so many wasted lebonese passed out in the streets.
i've NEVER collected so many wallets in my life!
