Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Boobs Useful, Scientists Discover
Harvard (FN) - They are not just pretty to look at and nice to hold. The human female breast apparently fulfills a useful, natural function. That's the surprising conclusion reached by an all-male team of researchers at Harvard Medical School.
"We can now state unequivocally that the human female breast produces a milk-like substance that, in theory, can be used to feed infants," said Professor Chad Lackmore, head of the research project.
Lackmore's conclusion comes at the end of a mammoth scientific project that has spanned the entire history of Harvard University. Ever since the college was founded, every freshman on campus has been recruited to monitor female breasts continuously for signs of useful activity.
In recent decades, Harvard has expanded the project to include universities around the world. Over the generations, millions of male students have been involved in the groundbreaking study.
Ironically, Lackmore's findings did not come as a result of new research but rather by reviewing old data.
"We decided to look back over some old tapes of interviews we conducted with female subjects. It turns out they have been telling us the function of their breasts over and over again for decades. Previous researchers just never made note of the women's statements before because, you know, they were too busy staring at their boobs," said Lackmore.
Lackmore expressed some regret that the project is now over.
"On the one hand, we were frustrated that we never seemed to make any progress. On the other hand, we were getting paid to look at tits all day. I'm not sure how I feel now that I know they are actually a food source. It's going to be hard to look at breasts the same way again."
The world-wide network of freshman research assistants will not go to waste. Lackmore says the team will soon be put to work on a new project to examine vaginal health.
posted by Mentok @ 1:55 p.m.,
10 Comments:
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At 3:53 p.m.,
Library Mama said...
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Form, fun, and function. Who could ask for anything more?
This was not only a "mammoth" scientific project, but a mammary one, as well. ;) -
At 3:54 p.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
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They're useful too?!?
I have to find some!
Hahah. Did that catwoman picture inspire you, Mentok? -
At 3:56 p.m.,
Library Mama said...
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Pleasure to provide some inspiration, Mentok, one way or another. ;)
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At 3:58 p.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
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Hey! I need some inspiration over here. -
At 4:00 p.m.,
Mentok said...
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Thanks for the assist, library mammary...I mean libreasty mama...I mean...
Aahhh! -
At 6:20 p.m.,
jamwall said...
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my god!!! mardi gras finally makes sense after all!!!
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At 5:47 a.m.,
A. B. Chairiet said...
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Yuck! You used the worst word in the whole history of the English language!!
Think I'll go watch Hippo's movie again... ;)
Joking. It was funny.
And yes. Useful. I hope everyone realizes that someday; it makes babies healthier. :)
(I'm ruining the fun, aren't I?)
Hope you and your family are well! :)
Happy Thursday,
~ Ash -
At 9:24 a.m.,
Mentok said...
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Boobs is the worst word in the English language?
I thought it was cun...ning. Cunning of you to observe that ;-)
You are right, though Ash. I should not have said boobs or tits.
I should have said schnoobs, hooters, ta-tas, jugs or some other more socially acceptable term ;-) -
At 10:30 a.m.,
FiL said...
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Hear, hear, Ash! As far as feeding babies, breast is most definitely best.
I won't get too socially righteous, but let's just say you won't find any Nestle products in our house - visit the World Health Organisation or International Baby Food Action Network if interested.
Sorry, getting off my soapbox now.
I think the Grand Tetons may be the biggest testimony to this particular male obsession, teton being French for, well, you know what...
Oh, and thanks for the laugh, Mentok!
FiL -
At 10:46 a.m.,
Mentok said...
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Yeah, it's amazing what those French can get away with.
Try naming a range "The Big Tits Mountains" in an English-language country and see how long that lasts!
Man, wouldn't it be endless fun if the Rockies were called The Titties?
"I'm going camping in the Titties this weekend."
"I'm flying to BC 'cause I don't like driving across the Titties."
"Titty Mountain High, Colorado!"
