Sunday, April 23, 2006
IMF Probes Global Blowjob Shortage
The Hague (FN) - The International Monetary Fund has called an emergency summit of world economic experts to tackle the looming crisis posed by the ongoing shortfall in fellatio services in most developed countries.
"I don't know how to explain it. Blowjobs appear to defy all known laws of economics. Unless we resolve this, it could have far-reaching implications for all aspects of the global economy. Today it's blowjobs, tomorrow it could be automobiles or wheat," said IMF Policy Director Mark Allen.
The crux of the fellatio crisis lies in the consistent failure of supply to meet demand, thereby throwing into doubt many of the most basic principles of economics.
Renowed Hong Kong economist Dr. Nad Lei Cheung, Ph.D. explained the conundrum at the summit's opening session.
"By our estimates, 50 per cent of the human race has an unsatiated demand for this service. Depending on circumstances, between 50 and 100 per cent of the human race has the capacity to deliver this service. In theory, this should lead to a perfect-competition market which, after an initial period of price elasticity, should result in universal availability at marginal cost. This quite clearly is not the case since I for one have not had a hummer in so long my nuts are turning blue," said Cheung.
Cheung noted that, among more or less developed countries, only Scandanavian countries, the Netherlands and Thailand have achieved acceptable levels of knob-gobbling market penetration.
The summit has already exposed the deep ideological divisions that lay at the root of the hypofellatic epidemic. Delegates from China, France and South America have tried to insist on defining fellatio as a public good and subjecting it to government supply regulation. The United States and several of its Western Hemisphere allies have countered that there must be an element of personal responsiblity and choice in any suckage solution.
"While we agree that penis care must become more affordable, we cannot eliminate the element of choice. Blow-jobs are not perfectly transitive commodities. If we start distributing blow-jobs through socialized penis care, does this then mean that I am bound to accept the government offerings and cannot seek either cheaper or higher quality products elsewhere? That was the whole discussion that ended my second marriage and I'll be damned if I'll see that become international law," said one American economist.
posted by Mentok @ 11:35 p.m.,
9 Comments:
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At 1:31 a.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
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A shortage? I wouldn't know.....
Communist! -
At 8:13 a.m.,
A. B. Chairiet said...
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Oh Good Lord...
Thanks for making me blush and smile this morning, M. I really needed the latter. :)
And there's a shortage?? Maybe that's your reason right there.
ZING!
Ha.
Yep. Definitely cheered up. Thanks again, M. :)
Happy Monday,
~ Ash -
At 11:41 a.m.,
X said...
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Now we should talk about x-efficient & x-inefficient in BJs!!!
=)
Being an economist, that was a fun one to read, Mentok!! -
At 8:55 p.m.,
Mentok said...
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Babe Bennett...ha! I love that character, and Cathy Jones in general.
Do you still watch the show? I quit after Mercer left...it's pretty sucky now, I figger.
Ha, ha! Sucky! And on that note...
Thanks for the offer. My dance card's full at the moment, but I'll drop by if I get a moment. -
At 10:35 p.m.,
Library Mama said...
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Now you've gone and done it, Mentok!
Okay, let's get a few things straight, everybody. (Get it, Hippo? Straight? Ha! :)
I, Library Mama, AKA Mrs. Mentok, can thoroughly vouch that Mentok is not gay. He can be very happy at times, but never gay.
And, Ms. Bennett, as with many global shortages, there are localized pockets o' plenty. Not to blow my own horn (!), but Mento's doing just fine, just fine, thank you. ;) -
At 6:10 a.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
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I'm so wasted.
What's a shortage? lol
Only Mentok would know. -
At 9:47 a.m.,
A. B. Chairiet said...
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I like this Babe, girl, Mentok. Don't you? She reminds me of that character you compared me to...the one that just shrugs off all the guys and all their questions. Roosters in the hen house, I guess.
Nothing new, yet?
Well...Happy Thursday, anyways! :)
Your friend,
~ Ash -
At 12:36 p.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
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Zombie! -
At 8:13 p.m.,
Library Mama said...
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I linked you, Mento.
