Friday, March 24, 2006
Scientists Disprove Dispute Resolution
Melbourne, Australia (FN) - Centuries of dispute resolution have gone out the window, according to a ground-breaking study released today from the Australian Synchrotron Project (ASP).
In addition to focus groups research, Australian scientists used synchrotron facilities to test the physical, chemical and radiological properties of conventional dispute-resolution theories.
"I'm sure the results will surprise many people. Certainly, we were surprised. While our findings may be hard for some to accept, the entire role of science is constantly to challenge our assumptions about the world around us," said Dr. Bruce Collins, Ph.D., senior project manager at ASP.
Among the results:
- Rocks typically do not break scissors. "This depends on the quality of the scissors, of course, but in the majority of cases a rock of a size that a human being could carry in one hand will not be capable of breaking a pair of tempered steel scissors in one shot. Really, you'd have to bang repeatedly on the scissors pretty hard with the rock even to bend them, although in many cases even this will not completely impair the scissors' cutting functionality," Collins said.
- Paper has no capacity to neutralize rocks. "This one was the big shocker. Popular wisdom suggests that a rock can be rendered harmless by wrapping it in paper. In fact, it appears that the opposite is true. Paper itself is actually more prone to having its surface integrity compromised if it is proximate to rock. Furthermore, paper does not appear to provide any substantial protection to other objects being struck by the rock," Collins said.
ASP's testing did, however, verify that scissors will generally cut paper.
The lab's results were more encouraging when it came to some of the less accepted modes of dispute resolution.
"People look down their noses at moves like Dynamite-Blows-Up-Rock or Gun-Trumps-Everything, but we found that these moves consistently work. I know there are many who are critical of the American's approach to the war in Iraq, but I'm here to say that they are using methods that have been proven by science. Shock and awe will win an argument far faster than rock, paper or scissors."
posted by Mentok @ 3:56 p.m.,
5 Comments:
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At 8:48 p.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
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What the hell does this have to do with plugging a laptop into a large non electrical object?
I tried plugging mine into an orange and now I am out $1299 bucks. -
At 11:29 p.m.,
mkecurler said...
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Do you know whre harry yak went? I miss him so....
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At 11:37 p.m.,
Mentok said...
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Hippo: It's a rock. They're testing it to see if it can break scissors.
sabatkes: No, I'm as mystified as everyone else about the yakman. As you know, he showed up on the radar a couple months ago when he posted on my son's blog. Other than that, like everyone, I've left messages for him from time to time, but no word. I miss him to. In it's own, Seinfeldian blog-about-nothing style, it was a great blog.
Please let me know if you come across any clues or info. -
At 7:05 p.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
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I played Rock Paper Scissors with The Blob once.
Couldn't quite tell what object he was trying to make with his bloblike hand. He pulled out a gun and shot me. That's the last time I play that game. -
At 5:29 a.m.,
A. B. Chairiet said...
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Funny post, M. I like it.
Happy Monday,
~ Ash
