Thursday, February 02, 2006
Tories To Merge Departments
Ottawa (FN) - In an effort to streamline the bloated Canadian government, Prime Minister-designate Stephen Harper announced today that the new Conservative government will be merging the Department of Official Languages and the Department of Redundancy Department.
The newly minted Department of Languages and Redundancy / Department des langues et de la redondance will carry the dual responsibilities of guaranteeing language rights and bureaucratic inefficiency.
Officials in the former Department of Redundancy Department were elated at the news.
"Personally, speaking for myself, I am very excited and enthused about the imminent changes that are coming. Before, in past years, all we were really able to do was design triplicate forms and come up with names for new Secretary of State cabinet positions. Now, on a go-forward basis, we are going to be able to really serve the public and help people by ensuring that products like 'coca-cola', 'bran' and 'carafe' are properly labelled in both languages, French and English," said Gerald Smith-Smythe, former Manager and General Director of the former Department of Redundancy Department.
Officials from the Department of Official Languages were less generous in their assessment.
"Merde! Tu m`emmerdes, tu tête carré. Si ma tante en avait elle s`appellerait mon oncle. Sucez mon membre, salope," said a former Official Languages employee who asked to remain anonymous.
posted by Mentok @ 2:13 p.m.,
6 Comments:
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At 3:06 p.m.,
Mentok said...
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American subtitles:
The Government of Canada has an official bilingualism policy, so that all government programs and all commercially-sold products must be delivered in French and English. The commercial regulations are rabidly enforced, even in cases when the product has an identical or nearly identical name in both languages. Hence, it is not uncommon to see boxes on store shelves with labels like "Carafe / Carafe".
Of course, the bilingualism policy itself is pretty much just bureaucratic bullshit all around. Very few people in English Canada speak French. On the other hand, most educated people in Quebec speak both languages. So the entire policy, it would seem, is designed to service a small number of uneducated people from rural Quebec who probably don't travel outside Quebec much anyway.
But, of course, offical bilingualism fulfills a more important symbolic function. It allegedly helps French Canadians feel better about being conquered and screwed over by a bunch of tight-assed, humourless anglo nit-wits...or "square heads", as they like to call us.
By the way, I don't advise translating the French bits. They are really quite foul. -
At 9:48 p.m.,
Gyrobo said...
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Yes. We already know that Canada has a bilingual policy. What we don't know is Canada's exact population. Seriously, I've tried to find it, but no web site gives me consistent numbers. How many people live there?!
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At 9:49 p.m.,
Gyrobo said...
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Oh, wait, I just found this thing.
But I'm sure I'll think of something else. -
At 10:50 p.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
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Split from Quebec. Nobody likes them anyway. It'd save you money on car insurance. -
At 7:30 a.m.,
A. B. Chairiet said...
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Thank God for the subtitles...I was coming in here to say, "Huh?" ;)
But now I get it!!
Ha..and I don't care what you say, I'm going straight to Babble-fish to translate this "foul" quote of yours. Is it going to make me blush?? Damn Stephen King...
And I like the French. Everything down here is plastered with Spanish labels. Especially at the low-end chains like "Dollar General" and "Dollar Tree" and all those one-buck stores. What the heck is this implying I wonder??
As a poor person who is French and not Spanish...I for one am deeply offended!
(Not really) ;)
Funny post!
It's Friday,
~ Ash -
At 6:21 p.m.,
NL-ExPatriate said...
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There is actually a agency or something that's whole entire purpose in life is to invent new French equivalant words.
When I was in Vancouver back in 1996 I went to a instant teller and the first language on the buttons and screen was Cantonese. That was before the big influx from Taiwan with the end of the British lease. There were whole apartment and condo complexes rented but sitting empty in case the Merde hit the fan.
You made me blush with the comments from the person who wanted to remain annonymous LOL.
