Thursday, February 16, 2006
Bush Belatedly Declares Open Season On Americans
Washington (FN) - Under directions from the White House, the US Fish and Wildlife Service in conjunction with the Department of Justice has declared an "Open Season on Americans" retroactive to February 1st.
President Bush described the program as an initiative to boost morale amongst America's corporate community.
"After listening to all these people at home complain about the war on terror, homeland security, Hurrican Katrina, yada yada yada, I figured 'Hey, why should the Iraqis have all the fun?' There are plenty of Americans who deserved to get popped and if you're saying some towel-head should do that rather than a fellow American, then I would have to question your patriotism," Bush said.
Under the terms of the program, a limited quantity of hunting licenses will be issued as an incentive to government contractors, such as the Haliburton Corporation.
The program got off to a rocky start on Saturday when one Haliburton employee failed to bag his target.
"It was the worst day of my life," said the Haliburton flunky after merely wounding an old buck.
The National Rifle Association was quick to jump on the incident as further evidence of the decline of the country's marksman skills.
"It is truly a sad day in this country when one of our country's leaders can't kill a feeble old man at thirty yards with a shotgun. It's a national disgrace," said an NRA spokesman.
posted by Mentok @ 7:01 p.m.,
3 Comments:
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At 7:07 p.m.,
Mentok said...
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Yeah, I know, Cheney jokes have become almost too easy at this point.
Not that I have any sympathy for Cheney, but I think he screwed up his media spin on the incident.
If I was advising him, I woulda told him to come out at the press conference and say:
"On the weekend, I accidentally shot a friend of mine. He might die. I'm glad you all seem to find this terribly funny. I don't."
...And then walk out without taking questions.
That woulda put those sanctimonious knobs in the media in their place! -
At 5:32 a.m.,
Bathroom Hippo said...
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I once shot a guy in the face quail hunting.
I wasn't using birdshot, I was aiming to kill the man who framed Harrison Ford. -
At 5:00 a.m.,
A. B. Chairiet said...
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Harrison Ford...Good Lord.
Anyways...
It's too bad for Cheney that you're not, in fact, his advisor. The scenario you suggested would have worked wonders.
Plus, the camera right on him...zoom in...a deep and sorrowful stare with a trembling lip...nods his head, "He might die."
Pure gold. ;)
~ Ash
