Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Santa Under Threat From Chinese Rival
Beijing (FN) - The rising economic power of China has been a source of concern for western political leaders for years but now has come home to roost for Santa Claus.
The Communist Party of the People's Republic of China announced today that Chairman Winter, the Chinese equivalent of Santa, would begin extending his route to households in the Pacific Rim, Europe and North American this year.
Chairman Winter and his merry band of Proletarian Avant Gardes live in an icy land beyond Mongolia. Once a year, they redistribute the wealth from the bourgeosie to the revolutionary classes through their chain of consumer electronics workshops.
Olaf Magnussen, chief political liason for the Independent Principality of the North Pole, expressed outrage at the Chinese move and called on western leaders to back Santa's position.
"This is a clear propaganda campaign aimed at undermining a treasured symbol of consumer freedom in the western world. Nothing less than complete sanctions are required to turn back this grave threat to international security," Magnussen said.
Chinese authorities urged calm.
"All we are doing is offering choice. We believe that Chairman Winter's products are superior in quality to Mr. Claus'. It will be up to consumers to decide which they prefer. If this were any other magical creature from any other country, this controversy would not arise. We only ask that our trading partners show consistency," said Chinese Minister of Foreign Trade and Economic Cooperation Shi Guangsheng.
The North Pole has reacted to the Chinese move by calling for a "coalition of the willing" amongst magical Christmas patrons. Britain's Father Christmas was quick to announce his support for Santa but other European gift-givers, such as France's Pere Noel, were non-committal. Alarmingly, Russia's Bubushka is rumoured to be in talks to coordinate joint gift manoevers with the Chinese upstart.
The North Pole has scrambled it's seldom-used military in anticipation of gift-delivery skirmishes in the Pacific Rim. Chairman Winter has placed the entire island of Taiwan on his "counter-revolutionary" blacklist and has threatened to block any other Christmas patron who attempts to deliver to the independent Chinese territory.
posted by Mentok @ 11:35 p.m.,
2 Comments:
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At 5:32 a.m.,
A. B. Chairiet said...
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Ashley doesn't understand. Ashley going to go respond to that novel you left her. The one where you ripped her to shreds.
Yeah...that one. ;)
China. I know nothing of China.
Funny picture, though.
~ Ash -
At 5:20 p.m.,
X said...
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WHOOAAA!!! Let the "Kung-Fu Master Santa" do his job!! He's gonna kick some capitalist asses!!
