Sunday, November 27, 2005
Klein Launches "Say Something Stupid" Program
Edmonton (FN) - Albertans will now get paid for doing what comes naturally according to the terms of the newly announced Say Something Stupid Program.
Premier Klein said the program is a further effort to deal with the oil-rich province's ballooning budget surplus.
"We've got so much money, we've run out of good ideas on how to spend it. So what the hell, why not just blow it all? That would be a lot better than letting those eastern bastards in the federal government get ahold of it," Klein said.
Under the program, Premier Klein will drive around the province handing out $50 bills to anyone and everyone who comes out with a typically outrageous Albertan comment.
"The 'stupid' part is a bit of a misnomer. We're not just looking for stupid sayings. We're also looking for anything that's redneck, reactionary, intolerant, short-sighted, mean-spirited, self-absorbed or inflammatory," Klein said.
Klein promised that, in addition to receiving the cash payment, the best sayings would be added to his personal repetoire.
Klein rejected suggestions that other Canadians visiting Alberta should be eligible for the cash award.
"Geez, I hadn't thought of that. I guess we'll have to ask for ID or something. This money belongs to Albertans and Albertans only. It was our ancestors who thought ahead and killed all those dinosaurs thousands of years ago so we deserve all this oil money because of our good planning and hard work. I still believe that Canada is the greatest country in the world but other Canadians can just freeze in the dark for all I care," Kleins said.
Elected officials and the editorial staff of the Western Standard magazine are specifically excluded from the program.
"Those guys are already paid for what they do," Klein said.
posted by Mentok @ 8:21 a.m.,
3 Comments:
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At 9:10 a.m.,
Mentok said...
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American subtitles:
For Alberta, think Texas.
Klein, the Albertan premier, is what people call a "straight-shooter", in other words an idiot. But Albertans love him and he's been in office for like a million years. -
At 8:42 p.m.,
mkecurler said...
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Than god I kinda keep up with CA politics. I was there during a huge election in '04. The mudslinging was just as bad as the US. Still dreaming of moving to TO someday....
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At 11:50 p.m.,
A. B. Chairiet said...
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You know...
If there were no subtitles, I would just be another American idiot who doesn't understand the fancy nuances of you crafty-ass Canadians.
Thanks Menty. Just reading "like a million years" made me think of "Valley Girl", so...
Totally funny, for sure.
~ Ash
P.S. In case you missed it...I like the word "relentless". I also like when someone older, wiser, and more experienced cares enough to share some helpful/inspiring advice with me, a 22 year old girly person who has yet to pay her dues...
...Or to write her emails. ;)
