Saturday, September 24, 2005
Tories Adopt McDonald's Model
Ottawa (FN) - Fresh from the summer barbecue circuit, Conservative Leader Stephen Harper announced today that the party will be undertaking a massive reorganization effort to incorporate the operating practices of the McDonald's Restaurants franchise.
"Our party often says that government should be run like a business, and there is no more successful business in the world than McDonald's," Harper said.
Among the reorganization plans announced today:
- New slogan: "You deserve a tax break today."
- 'Voters Served' counter: "The only way I kept myself sane on that wretched barbecue tour was by making a game out of counting all the hamburgers I was flipping. So we're going to put that up on the website so those jackasses in the media can see how hard I'm working. We'll also keep a running tally of every meal we serve a taxpayer. If I have to win over the voters one hamburger at a time, that's what I'll do!" Harper said.
- Staff changes: Starting January 1, 2006, the Tories will phase in a plan to replace all of their existing party and parliamentary staff with unskilled part-time teen-agers earning minimum wage. "I don't really listen to the little bastards anyway, so why pay top dollar for a bunch of Ezra Levant wannabe's? Peter Mackay and I will start wearing short-sleeved dress shirts and clip-on ties around the office, just so they know who's boss," Harper said.
- Party mascot: Although Harper will retain effective control of the party, he will be replaced in party advertising by a fictional mascot character, Johny Macdonald, a hybrid of party founder Sir John A. Macdonald and Ronald McDonald. "Most kids think they are the same guy anyway, so using this character will show them that we are'hip' and 'with it' and in tune with their views," Harper said.
The Johny Macdonald character will occasionally be accompanied by other 'Macdonaldland' characters, including a character modelled after former prime minister Jean Chretien (the Scamburglar).
- 30 -
posted by Mentok @ 8:56 p.m.,
1 Comments:
-
At 2:09 a.m.,
NL-ExPatriate said...
-
LOL You kill me. Thanks for the reality check.
