Thursday, September 29, 2005

Great Canadian Insult Contest

Some of you may remember an old Monty Python bit where they held a contest to come up with an insulting phrase for Belgians. The contest received many imaginative entries such as Phlegms and Sprouts, but the winning entry was "those damn dirty Belgian bastards."

The Canadian insult lexicon likewise has many notable gaps. How is it that we have gotten through 140 years without coming up with an insult for Ontarians? It is a national disgrace.

So I'm starting a contest to fill in these and other gaps. Winning entries will receive permission to use an icon on their blog boasting "Winner of the Mentok Prize", or some other no-cost prize I can send over the internet.

First, let's review the existing lexicon, although you are welcome to come up with additional insults for these categories:

Quebecers=Frogs
English Canadians=Tête Carré (Square-head)
Newfoundlanders=Newfs, Newfies
Residents of St.John's=Townies
Toronto=Hogtown (only marginally insulting)
Saskatchewanians=Banjo-pickin Hillbillies
Saskatoon=Toon Town, Saskabush, Stoon
Regina=Vagina
BC=Lotus land

Did I miss any? (I purposely left out "Upper Canadians", the Martime phrase for non-Maritimers, and "Bytown" for Ottawa as these phrases are insufficiently pejorative, but perhaps they could be adapted.)

Insults needed (unless otherwise noted, phrase can refer either to the actual place or the residents of it):

Nova Scotia
New Brunswick
PEI
Halifax
Fredericton
Charlottetown
Montreal
Quebec City
ONTARIO
Torontonians
OTTAWA
OTTAWA RESIDENTS
Manitoba
Winnipeg
ALBERTA
Calgary
Edmonton
Vancouver
Victoria

Winning entries will be posted at a later date. Good luck and happy insulting!

Be sure to email this around to ask your friends for ideas. After all, this is a thnly-veiled ploy to drive up hits on my site ;-)

posted by Mentok @ 1:07 p.m.,

18 Comments:

At 11:44 a.m., Canadian Sentinel said...: Ok, Mentok, I've two for you.

I'm an NBer and someone came onto my site when I first put 'er up and said, "Welcome, you herring choker". Funny, I've only choked brook trout (accidentally).

Hence a New Brunswicker is a "Herring Choker".

People in Halifax are "Haligonians". Sounds funny, doesn't it?

I would suggest that since T.O. is referred to as the Big Smoke, T.O.ers ought to be dubbed "Big Smokers" (although Saint Johnners could easily take that title as they smoke like chimneys over here).
At 12:12 p.m., Chimera said...: Aw, Canadian Sentinel beat me to "herring choker." But anyone from Nova Scotia is a "bluenoser," and anyone from PEI is a "spud" or a "spud islander."

By th' way, calling BCers "Lotus Landers" is not an insult -- it's true. We grow the finest crop of lotus in the world. Then we market it as BC Bud...
At 1:26 p.m., Mentok said...: Welcome Sentinel!

Love the "herring choker" bit. Now there's an insult.

"Haligonians" is a legitimate contraction so, while funny sounding, it's insufficiently perjorative.

I like "The Big Smoke" for T.O., but I think the residential phrase needs to be kicked up a notch. With your permission, how does "Big Smoke-holes" sound?

chimera, your suggestions are all winners and I'll post those up too.
At 9:17 a.m., Liam O'Brien said...: The "Townies" in St. John's often think of all of us folks who hail from outside the overpass as "Baymen," or if they're feelin' really jabby, "Baywops."

I never quite understood how I, a guy from a mining town high up near the long range mountains, 100 miles inland, was a "bayman," but I'd take "bayman" over townie any day of the week. The "baymen" are great and honourable guys.

Maybe I can start a 3rd group...Woodsmen!

;-)
At 1:50 p.m., Chimera said...: Those of us who live on/near the west coast in BC are also known as "Sidehill Gougers." We got this nickname from a small, nearly invisible animal that lives on the mountainsides. It looks very much like a sheep, except that its legs are different lengths on either side of its body. Which side has longer legs depends on the direction of travel.

For example, if the Sidehill Gouger walks clockwise around the mountain, the legs on the left side of its body are going to be longer than the legs on its right side. In this way, the Gouger's body is always upright, and it can safely graze its way around the mountain.

Sidehill Gougers are very fast, so if you ever want to catch one, you need to anticipate his path of travel, get in front of him and hide behind a rock. Just as he reaches your hiding place, you jump out in front of him and yell, "Warm beer!" He will forget where he is and turn around in disgust, trying to go the other way. He will then tumble done the mountainside, and you can easily scoop him into your pickup.

A Sidehill Gouger's diet consists of Lotus leaves and cold beer.
At 4:21 a.m., A. B. Chairiet said...: I have no specific Canadian insult...

...yet...

...and in fact, what I do have is not even an insult.

"Canada: America's Top Hat"

Get it? 'Cause you guys are so gosh darn fancy, with all your extra "u’s" and such.

Fauncy Canadians: God Louve 'eum!!

~ Ash
At 10:54 a.m., Canadian Sentinel said...: Ash said:

"Get it? 'Cause you guys are so gosh darn fancy, with all your extra "u’s" and such."

Yep, got it, all right, Ash. And it's an embarrassment to me as a Canuck. I personally avoid the superfluous "u"s and such as it's so bloody pretentious. Canadians only BELIEVE they're fancy; they don't even have the spare cash after taxes to buy clothes anyplace better than WalMart!

Mentok, "Big Smokeholes"? Not rude and pejorative enough. How about "Ashholes"? After all, wherefrom came smoke, y'all'll find ash, right? Nah, Canucks're too daft to get it without a lengthy explanation.

OOPS, Ash, I just realized I inadvertently invented the word "Ashholes" in the company of someone nicknamed "Ash". No offence; I sure do love Yankee chicks!
At 11:03 a.m., Canadian Sentinel said...: What about BCers? Something to do with pot, it must be. What, then? "Weed Whackers" I like that. Funny, appropriate and insulting as "Herring Choker"!

Albertans? Something to do with oil. "Crude Yankers"? My Albertan friends might get mad!

Vancouver? Fairylanders.

Lost the muse now. Blogger's block, it must be.

Your turn, peeps.
At 11:57 a.m., Mentok said...: Let's leave the bitterness and Canadian self-loathing over at Small Dead Animals. They specialize in that sort of thing and I wouldn't want them thinking I'm trying to horn in on their turf ;-)

The use of some British spellings should neither be a cause of arrogance OR apology. We have our own quirky version of English that we should enjoy without guilt or pretention.
At 4:39 p.m., Canadian Sentinel said...: Well, not everyone gets SDA, I understand. Ah, well, each to one's own.

I still personally believe the extra "u"s are superfluous and compensatory vis a vis the apparent inferiority complex of Canadian society.

But I accept it's part of the quaint, amusing charm of Canucks.

Just makes me roll my eyes sometimes, though.

That's just the way the Sentinel sees it.
At 5:21 p.m., Mentok said...: No, not everyone gets SDA. But then not everyone gets an enema, although they would if I was running things.
At 9:38 p.m., Canadian Sentinel said...: I thought everyone got an enema at least once in their life. Highly unpleasant for most. Much like having Paulie for PM. Like the saying goes, "I'm so mad I could sh..!"

Still haven't come up w/ any other Canuck pejoratives, although I have plenty for the Libranos...
At 4:42 p.m., Anonymous said...: Well, it wasn't meant as an insult...and I find it quite funny....an Australian friend calls me a "Canucklehead"
At 7:11 p.m., Anonymous said...: Back in the 80's we used to call torontonians that moved to Calgary, "Crows" as they seemed to nothing but squawk and shit. Scotes was widely used to describe those from Scrotario.
At 2:53 p.m., Unknown said...: Nova Scotians are called "Blue Nosers" and "Herring Choker" is right for New Brunswickers, I know because I'm origionally from there. People from Victoria BC are called "Islanders" Vancouver, "Mushroom Heads", people will pick green garbage bags of magic mushrooms and sell them back east, make enough to live on for a year, lol.
At 5:39 p.m., Anonymous said...: I've come up with one for Frederictonians-Frednecks,as in:if you think your pick up truck is beautiful,you might be a Fredneck.
At 3:23 p.m., Anonymous said...: WInterpeg! They're called Winterpeggers!

When Hong Kong's lease was up, a lot of people and a lot of money migrated to Vancouver, and some dubbed it Hongcouver. So I guess that makes Hongcouverites.
At 6:41 p.m., RL KOMPF said...: A group from Ontario is a "smug"!

My daughter born in Winnipeg in a year of much snow is a "Manitoboggan".

Saskatchewanders are also 'stubble jumpers'.

From Calgary = 'Cow gullian'.

Mentok the Mind-taker

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